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Oh my, with a red headed child of my own, I can definitely relate to tantrums! So, if you have tips on dealing with them, or not sure what to do with your child throws tantrums (other than tie them up) here is the place for parent feed back and help! I found this on a daycare site and figured I'd share it with you. Taming Temper Tantrums Many caregivers and parents report temper tantrums as a behavior that they have difficulty coping with in a patient and positive way. Although associated with toddlers, temper tantrums are a frequent occurrence in young children, only beginning to diminish around ages five or six. And although it is a common behavior, many caregivers lack strategies for preventing and taming temper tantrums. As with talking gestures and crying, temper tantrums are a mode of communication for the young child. Their lack of language skills may lead to a more direct way of expression; such as throwing puzzle pieces across the room. It then becomes the caregiver's task to decipher the message and address the issue. What follows is a discussion of possible causes of tamper tantrums and the messages they convey. Even young toddlers and infants are prone to experience intense frustration. The child who is struggling to obtain a toy that is out of reach only needs to fail a few times before feelings of anger and frustration become overwhelming. The caregiver who recognizes that providing for success in young children's activities and environment, by supplying age appropriate toys and materials, can prevent much frustration and is well on the way to taming temper tantrums. Caregivers will often see what can be referred to as mid-afternoon slump. During the late afternoon, young children can become over tired; resulting in crankiness, irritability and a decrease in their skills to handle strong emotions and conflict. Of course, it is wise to note, children can also become over tired from a lack of balance in the daily schedule, or a schedule that does not consider the needs of the child. Also children may react in a similar manner when they are over stimulated. Field trips and holidays, when the excitement level is high, there is a change in routine, and many things are vying for a child's attention are particular problems. Adhering to the routine, preparing young children in advance, keeping things simple, providing a balance between active and inactive activities, and ensuring a time for rest; these are just some ways a caregiver can prevent child from becoming over tired and over stimulated. Appropriate caregiver interaction and response is the key to coping with temper tantrums once they occur. Frequently, a child who is in the throes of a temper tantrum is feeling out of control, both emotionally and physically. This can be frightening and overwhelming to the child, only intensifying the episode. Caregivers often add fuel to the fire by telling, or reacting in a manner that may mirror the child's actions. It is beneficial to remain calm and speak slowly and softly. Acknowledge the child's feelings and reassure them you are there to help them regain control. A caregiver may say something like," I can see you are very angry right now. I wonder if it is because you want to go outside? I can't help you when you're screaming and kicking. Let's sit down and get calm, then maybe you can tell me with words what is wrong." Taming temper tantrums takes patience and skill, and the first step is understanding that they are a normal and expected part of children's behavior as children develop skills for coping with the disappointment and frustrations in life that we all experience. |
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Tempering Tantrums One of the most unsettling experiences in raising children is a temper tantrum--an explosion of frustration, anger, or rage from a child. Learning how to deal with, prevent, and survive toddler outbursts is something nearly every parent comes up against at one time or another. Tantruming can cause parents to feel frustrated, angry, powerless, out of control and certainly quite embarrassed if they occur out in public, or during family gatherings. Before actually handling a tantrum, parents need to know that there are various types of tantrums. Learning to differentiate between them is crucial in the prevention of such behavior. There are three types of tantrums, and parents need to treat each type differently. 1. Fatigue, Hunger, Illness, or Hypersensitivity: Some children get out of sorts and lose emotional control when they are tired, hungry or sick. Some children react quite strongly and negatively to scratchy clothing, lables, too tight shoes, etc. And some children become emotionally upset over transitions from one astivety to the next. For example: Saying "Put down your toys. It's dinnertime. Come now," can cause a tantrum to some kids. Some children are simply more sensitive, persistent or determined and lack the emotional control necessary to keep themselves in check. "These kids," write Martha and William Sears, MD in The Discipline Book, "are more prone to blow their lid, and they are less able to put the lid back on once it has been blown." Tantrum-prone kids have trouble controlling their emotions, which results in an inability to control their behavior. They are literally overwhelmed and out of control and cannot help themselves at this moment. 2. Testing or Manipulation: When parents speak of tantrums this is the sort they are usually referring to. This is angry defiance on the child's part for not getting what he wants now. Having a loudangry emotional explosion ofer non-negotiable limits that the parent has set is what's usually known as a temper tantrum. The child may be trying to gain power in the situation. The parent can identify this type of tantrum because he or she will feel manipulated. What to do The very first and most important thing for parents to begin with is to know your child. Who is she? What makes her tick? What sets her off? Does she fall apart if she misses lunch or her nap or both? Does the seam on the inside of her socks drive her crazy? Does she operate on the"Just Do It" philosophy of life regardless of her personal competence? Does she cream bloody murder is she's interrupted in an activety she's concentrating on? Does she have any food sensitivities? Does she absolutely refuse to listen to the word no? If it is a falling apart, loss-of-control tempermental type tantrum, then as quickly as possible fix the problem. Feed her. Get her to bed. Take the shirt with THAT TAG off now. If he is sensitive to change, give him plenty of advance warning: "Ryan, we are having dinner in 10 minutes. Please begin to find a stopping place in your game." The child with frustration type of tantrum needs understanding, holding and comforting. This child needs another human being there who cares and wants to comfort him. Holding this child (if he'll let you) can work wonders. He can relax in the security of your arms and soothing words: "It's really hard to tie shoes, isn't it? You really wanted to tie those darn laces, didn't you? I know, I saw how frustrated you were," in a calm, understanding tone of voice will help her relax and regain control. And finally, the third type of tantrum --the testing manipulative temper tantrum. The best thing to do in this situation is to ignore it completely. Give it no attention whatsoever. In The Difficult Child, Stanely Turecki, MD writes: "Excessive attention, even if it is negative, is such a powerful reward to the child that is actually reiforces the undesirable behavior." Leave the room if necessary. Even a young child could feel, "What's the point?" if her audience has left the room. Lock yourself in your room -- not the child in his. You could say, as you're leaving the room, "When you're calm, I'm ready to listen." Be ready and open to accepting him when he's regained self-control. Never hold it against him. Absolutely do not try reasoning, lecturing, discussing, debating, arguing, forcing, shaming, overpowering, or making fun of him. Don't deal with it in public, retreat to a bathroom if possible, or leave if necessary. With this type of tantrum, keep in mind that ignoring it is the best policy. And most of all, keep in mind that children must know--no matter what--that they are loved, and will be loved forever. Our role in parenting, as guides and nurturers of our children, must never be forgotten, even in the midst of tempering a temper tantrum. |
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