My husband has always been the backbone of this family. He has been our strength and security. Our protector. He could do anything and would do anything to help others or protect us. He was like Micheal the Arch Angel. (The protector of the weak) Now he is the one who needs help. Our family dynamics have had to change dramatically. It has been a very hard adjustment and still adjusting to more changes as they come. He is very loving and very angry at the same time. Some times too dificult to even deal with. He has no patients anymore for even the littlest things. We all have to be careful not to aggrevate him and not bump into him. Sometimes I'm not even able to hug him without making him hurt. I fear that I won't be able to even give him a kiss before too long. I really miss my old husband and the kids miss him too. However at times we are closer than we have ever been. His pride is the biggest devil in our lives right now. My fears are my enemy. I feel so alone most of the time and so does he. We still try to connect but sometimes it is hard. I don't want to be the back bone and sometimes I get depressed because I have to be the one who makes decisions and protect and do all the things I use to depend on him for. It's almost like a death of a spouse. Then I get angry! I want to lash out at everyone! Sometimes I just don't care what anyone thinks or says anymore! I've gotten to the point that I don't have time for the dumb stuff and the games people play.

I feel guilty going to work and he is stuck at home. I feel guilty that I can play with our grandbaby and he just gets hurt from her. (not on purpose) I feel guilty that I am physically ok and he is not. I feel guilty that I can do nothing to take his hurt away. I feel guilty that I don't know how to support him in his time of need.

I hate feeling guilty.

I hope that there are other family members to talk to and share with.  I can't get on here every day but I do try to get online a few times a week. I could write a book right now but I don't want to overload anyone.

 

Thanks for listening.

Tami62