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| | From:  djofone (Original Message) | Sent: 10/6/2008 5:00 AM |
Since my first and last post a lot has occurred. For starters I am no better than I was since my first post. I am actively involved in pain management and have now had three spinal injections to no avail. Percocett, which renders little to no affect, has been cutoff by my primary care physician. I didn't find much relief in the perc's anyway and I gather my new script of Ultram will do little to touch my ailing. In addition, I am apprised that this has a stronghold of most likely two years or more and I will not likely get to go back to work.
My stressed mind is being stretched to the limits (as I'm sure you can all relate). My mood has been significantly altered and I snap at the drop of a hat. I yell,slam doors,and in general always find myself on the defense. Well that too has taken a toll on my household and as a result I am being asked to move out. I thought that this was supposed to get easier, somehow to adapt to the pain and communicate it to all who may have cared. Instead, the animosity only seems to get worse as time continues. Know idea where I'll go, how I'll get there and how I am going to move many things out of my house (rest assured work comp will be anxiously taking snap shots to disprove my claim) but with no family within 500 miles and alienating myself from my friends I have little choice but to fend for myself and damn all the consequences. The psych said I would benefit from counseling, hopefully it comes before I give up altogether. And if that not be enough for my already depressed state of mind, I pay an exuberant amount of child support that I am not able to afford my own place. I have a few hundred saved up but I doubt anyone will be compassionate to my strife less it be a homeless shelter in this rough economy (for those of you suggesting I ask for a reduction, I did and it was denied. No reason, just denied)! I think rock bottom is right around the corner. A far cry from the "glass ceiling" I thought I had broken through just a few years ago. Hopefully my aggressive personality will keep me "keepin' on" but I am not optimistic.
A final note.. for those that have a loved one that cares for them in spite of their mood swings and barbaric actions, you guys really ought to thank them and let them know that they are loved and appreciated. I have done my best to handle this situation only to come up short of their expectations. Take care all, it gets better? |
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I am sorry that things are so diffcult right now.I know how hard it is when they try those things and they don't work and you just want them too so bad. Moving is stressful I hope that you cann a way to make things work for you. I would see if you could reconect with some of those friends to give you some moral suport.I know easier said then done but it might help you feel like you are not alone.Esp until you get conceselling this will help you I can great sucess when I got it at 14 at hated the world. as for gettuing better I think that no matter how hard it may be,We need to try and believe that it will indeed better so that we can keep fighting. take care and I'll be praying for you mirage |
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