1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

2. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

3. Do I look like a freakin' people person?

4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

6. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

8. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

9. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

10. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

11. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

12. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

13. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

14. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

16. Back off! You're standing in my aura.

17. Adults are just kids who owe money.

18. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

19. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

20. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

21. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

22. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

23. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paycheques.

24. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

25. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.