"Well, what have we here...?" 

--- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.



"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" 

--- I'm stalling for time. 



"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." 

--- I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. 



"Let me check your medical history." 

--- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before 
spending anymore time with you. 



"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news." 

--- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.
The bad news is,you're going to pay for it. 



"This should be taken care of right away." 

--- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy
and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. 



"Let me schedule you for some lab tests." 

--- I have a forty percent interest in the lab. 



"Let's see how it develops." 

--- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something
that really needs to be cured. 



"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." 

--- I'm writing a paper and would like to use you
for a guinea pig. 



"That's quite a nasty looking wound." 

--- I think I'm going to throw up. 



"This may smart a little." 

--- Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues. 



"This should fix you up." 

--- The drug company slipped me some big bucks
to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works... 



"Everything seems to be normal." 

--- Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. 



"I'd like to run some more tests." 

--- I can't figure out what's wrong.
Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.