Dear friends, Thank you for all the well wishes. And I wish you all a Merry Christmas.
I really love and miss you all. I want to share will you all that has been happening with me. I need to talk this strange place out.
My computer is a mess, all my shortcuts are scrambled and go to strange places??,so I will need to post my message here. I don't know when or how I will get that crazy mess fixed. God, please send me a geek.
Old Art, I do need that great tree. Thank you. It just happens that a Lakota medican man call me on the phone at the hospital and sang a healing chant for me too. It was beautiful. We all live in worlds within worlds.
I am here, but hovering somewhere between life and death. It is a strange plane that I find my self standing on. I am breathing, and seeing the world, but not really in it. I sense that my spirit consciousness is not in my form. Perhaps it is injured and withdrawing too.
It has been weeks now. Each day and night become one with no way to tell what is and is not. This is not the romantic death scene I once saw for myself. It is a very strange place indeed. I think nights are the worst. Perhaps, because I am tired, weak and the light is missing which gives rise to horrible phantoms.
Some time ago I woke in the night with a sharp pain in my stomach, I thought is was gas, but somehow knew it was fatal. I went to the hospital and a few days later I had undergone three surgeries because the doctor had botched the first two and cut into my intestines allowing the content to spread into my body cavity, and contracted MERCA. Now I am living with an alien life form consuming my body. It is one poison after another trying to kill the invader with out killing the host.
I don't know who will win.
The constant pain and sickness is over the top, and in the hospital I have been on heavy morphine for weeks. At home I am now undergoing withdrawals and all the unspeakable horror that goes with that. Not something I could ever imagine. Thank heaven for my "in the know friends" and hot showers. I so wanted to get away from the narcotic that I thought to go without the additional narco, bad mistake.
I spent four weeks with a tube running into my nose and down to my stomach pumping out its contents, I had little or no sleep and only ice cubes and intravenous food supplement. My strong and beautiful body is now just bones and hanging skin. I can't help but cry when I see that I look 90 years old, and I shutter to see my image in the mirror. I can eat only a few bites of creamed veggies and mashed potatoes and then get sick all over each time.
I do know, if I live, it will be a very long time, possibly months before I am actually on the road to recovery.
Mykal, you have been ill since Katrina, is this what you have been undergoing? The unbelievable total weakness and mind torturing monster drugs?
I am very tired just now and must go rest but I will try to come back soon.
Yes my friends, I am in the snow with all the creatures I love.
New fawns are wonderful and this is so right on.
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