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A baseball story
Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "No".
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates... but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it!
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly baby..."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you *%$%**!!! ..."
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting & hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first Pitch!"
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Quayle Quotes "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made." "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." |
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Surely there is something from the Democratic side to compete with the famous bloopers from Dan Quayle and George Bush, Jr. "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"—Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000 "If the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a statement."—Quoted by Maureen Dowd in the New York Times, June 16, 1999 "I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating it. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."—On discussions of the Vietnam War when he was an undergraduate at Yale, Washington Post, July 27, 1999 |
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"The important question is, How many hands have I shaked?"—Answering a question about why he hasn't spent more time in New Hampshire, in the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999 I read the newspaper."—In answer to a question about his reading habits, New Hampshire Republican Debate, Dec. 2, 1999 We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."--Financial Times, Jan 14, 2000 |
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"The important question is, How many hands have I shaked?"—Answering a question about why he hasn't spent more time in New Hampshire, in the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999 I read the newspaper."—In answer to a question about his reading habits, New Hampshire Republican Debate, Dec. 2, 1999 We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."--Financial Times, Jan 14, 2000 |
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"The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are focused on what's best for America, honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege and who will not stain the house."—Des Moines Register debate, Iowa, Jan. 15, 2000 I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000 This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."—Speaking during "Perseverance Month" at Fairgrounds Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28, 2000 |
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"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"—Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000 "Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative ads."—Fund-raising letter from George W. Bush, quoted in the Washington Post, March 24, 2000 |
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Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to the extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?" |
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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a thirty-eight-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."  |
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AL GORE, BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON GO TO HEAVEN God addresses Al first; "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will
that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a
grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me. God thinks for a second and says, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right. God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?" Hillary replies, "I believe you're in my chair." |
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Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart aleck student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report: Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill. Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing |
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President Clinton will always be remembered as: 'The President after Bush.'
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During Clinton's interview with the grand jury, the prosecutor held up a picture of Monica and asked the president if he had ever seen the woman. Bill Clinton replied, 'I've come across her face a couple of times.' |
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