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New Poetry Pge 4 : World of Brick
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(2 recommendations so far) Message 1 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToo_many_whys_  (Original Message)Sent: 11/3/2005 8:27 PM

I see no reason why we have windows.

Pains of glass

compulsively disfiguring

an unnkown, wild place to roam.

Behind the pissy palace ‘grounds�?

And the crude garden sheds

that is �?this is.

 

I feel sorry

for the creatures who twirl into our windows,

then die, a flummoxed SPLODGE.

And though I almost want to let them in our home

because we invade theirs

I see that

 

You wouldn’t be happy, would do? dear parents?...

if the glass was gone, stripped from the red brick,

you’d see no reason�?/SPAN>

 

PS I’m kind of glad you don’t �?truth be told,

I don’t like the strange flappy things anyway.

 

©K.E.M 2005

<o:p></o:p>


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Reply
 Message 2 of 6 in Discussion 
From: LittleBillSent: 11/3/2005 9:13 PM
Nice one Katy...made me smile....liked the turn around at the end, worked well. Good poem.

: )lb

Reply
 Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToo_many_whys_Sent: 11/4/2005 5:37 PM
Hi lb,
 
Just another edit I'm afraid - forget to say - no fresh stuff here, but a new take on an old poem.
 
Still, glad you liked the glitch at the end, being truthful I found it just the sort of thing a child would say and it is sort of like myself taken back a couple of years.
 
Thanks for your comments,
 
Katy

Reply
 Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZydhaSent: 11/4/2005 6:51 PM
There is a sort of innocence about this piece, Katy, the questioning of everything being in it's place (enhanced when the parents are addressed) then the preference for the purpose anyway at the end. Great title.
 
The random lines seem to work well when reading this and encourage the flow as a narrative piece, Zy

Reply
 Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToo_many_whys_Sent: 11/4/2005 7:02 PM
Ha ha, just spotted some embarassing (sp?) typos!! I assure you, I meant 'prissy' and 'unknown'.
 
But returning to your comment,
yes, there is, and I wonder if I should tailor the language more simply so it would suit the idea of the writer more?
 
'Random lines' - I suppose, I just find it nigh on impossible to keep to so many syllables per line, or a syllable pattern. Glad you think so. I'm enjoying narrative poetry - perhaps why I like Mikhail's piece so much.

Katy

Reply
 Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZydhaSent: 11/4/2005 7:17 PM
Guessed those, Katy, lol, but what do you mean by...
 
" I wonder if I should tailor the language more simply so it would suit the idea of the writer more?"
 
I wouldn't have thought there was much chance of this being misunderstood, it is less obscure than some of your more abstract thoughts and experiments, lol, though they are so much fun working out what you mean. I don't think poetry always has to be blatently obvious (at least...I hope not, lol, or I am in trouble) Metaphoric writing can allow so much freedon in choosing our words, don't you think? Zy

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