i am not a painslut...by devilswish

 

Pain, just like it’s polar opposite pleasure can often be defined 50 different ways by 50 different people. What is painful for me is barely worthy of an eye twitch to someone else and vice versa. I’ve mentioned before that I struggle to accept some words that act as a label, Painslut is yet another on the list. Perhaps it’s just my over-active imagination but the word brings up this mental picture of some strung out almost coke-addict looking woman with greasy hair and lifeless eyes dangling from some very unhygienic looking shackles.

 

I am not that woman…my hair is washed regularly for starters. As an aside�?no, I have no idea why painslut and personal/equipment hygiene are so closely intertwined in my brain.

 

Even writing this, after having the thoughts bouncing around in my head all afternoon, I find myself hesitant to just write what I’m actually thinking straight out in case someone reads this and thinks less of me because of it…which in turn makes me even more determined to choke it down and prove that it doesn’t. Maybe it I start with something less confronting it will flow easier lol.

 

I like to run. I like to run quite a bit actually. Not because of the fitness aspect, but because of the feelings I can get when I do it. I’m not talking about jogging, which is a perfectly fabulous way to stay fit and look nice in tight pants. When I run I build up from a steady measured pace, eventually pushing past that point where your legs are hurting to that zone where your chest is burning for breath, your heart is racing so fast it aches and your legs don’t even feel attached to you anymore, they’re just a constant instinctive flow to the ground. I imagine its how it must feel to fly. Perhaps slightly less painful to breathe for the birds or they’d probably walk more.

 

I get the urge to run when I’m stressed, upset, angry, confused, basically whenever my thoughts and emotions are too big to contain. That’s painful, getting to that point. It hurts to push my body that hard but the reward, the euphoria that comes with it is a sensation completely unique to that experience. That pleasure that flows through you like a flower bursting from its bud is incentive enough to make the pain leading up to it and the throbbing agony when your body has lost the buzz worth it.

 

I see working pain into play or sex as another tool at my Dominant’s disposal. It can open doors that otherwise might not be opened, enhancing and drawing out sensations that can be taken to an entirely different level.

 

That first shock of sensation, the first hot stripe of a cane, burst of heat from a heavy palm, sting of teeth, scrape of fingernails or explosion of leather on my body is like flicking a switch under my skin. It grows with and winds itself tightly around the pleasure that builds inside you, taking away the sensibility of what is happening to you, with you, inside you and often leaving you suspended on pure instinct and sensation. Cumming is wonderful in itself. Mixing release with sting can be all but indescribable, almost as though your body can’t process the two sensations at once so blows a fuse or something.

 

I say sting when referring to my own experience because I think in terms of pain thresholds, mine isn’t so high. For some a light spanking is enough to get it, for others it comes from the deep throb of a soundly beaten tush. I think in the balance of pain and preference I’m probably just a little skip over on the heavier side of play.

In my experience, pleasure is not the only reason for pain play. For me, it can also be like rebooting my emotions for lack of a better description. The same yearning that urges me to run to the point of exhaustion can, has and will most certainly again prompt me to go to my Dominant and beg Him to hurt me. That may sound like a dangerous request but bear in mind I am a sensible adult most of the time and I am talking in the context of a loving and trusting relationship, not a Dial-A-Dom (not that there’s anything wrong with that). He knows what I am asking for because He knows me and is able to provide it for the same reasons.

 

There is a stillness of self, a purging of emotions which probably cannot be properly or adequately described that can happen through experiencing well applied physical pain. It is usually followed by some serious conversation because apparently I’m at my most relaxed after these sessions lol.

 

I wonder if maybe the most daunting part isn’t the pain itself but where it can take you if you’re willing to find out.

 

 

Cheers

dev xxx

 

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