Dear Marty
Q & A by Bereavement Counselor Marty Tousley;
Question: I have a different kind of situation, one I grieve, but mostly feel guilty about.
I adopted a puppy, loved it and took care of it. After a while, I noticed some aggressive tendencies, but underestimated the problem.
It grew worse, and eventually there was nothing I could do. I put the dog to sleep. Now I feel really guilty about not knowing enough to do something.
I do miss her terribly. I had her for a year and a half. Is it normal to grieve about this - for a pet I loved who turned aggressive, and for putting her down?
Answer: I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved dog. As you came to recognize her aggressive tendencies and your own inability to control them, I can only imagine how difficult and painful it must have been for you to make the agonizing decision to have her euthanized.
Even though you had to let her go, that does not diminish the love you had for her or the strength of the bond between you.
The grief you are feeling now is a normal reaction to losing someone you loved so very much, and is compounded by the guilt you feel over the circumstances of her death.
Having decided with your vet that you had no alternative but to destroy your dog, you will need to come to terms with these facts:
Even though you loved your dog with all your heart, since she was becoming increasingly aggressive you could no longer trust that she wouldn't bite or otherwise harm someone else.
Even though your dog may have looked perfectly healthy on the outside, you know that something must have been very wrong with her on the inside, probably with her brain, since ordinarily dogs are not aggressive and do not bite or harm people.
If you tried everything else you could do to fix the problem to no avail, then as a responsible person you decided that you had no other choice but to end your dog's life, so that you could be certain nobody else would be bitten or harmed by her.
It seems to me that you did the best you could with the information you had available to you at the time.
Whenever a tragic death like this happens, I think it's important that we take stock of whatever lessons can be learned from the experience, so that one day we don't find ourselves in the same situation again.
For example, when you're ready to bring another animal into your life (the timing of which is totally up to you), think about what you can do to make certain that the next puppy you select will grow into a loving, well-adjusted companion.
There are many books and Web sites to guide you in this process.
See, for example, in Dr. Marty Becker's book, The Healing Power of Pets.
In the chapter entitled Looking for Love in All the Right Places, Dr. Becker discusses how to select an adult dog or cat at a shelter.
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