Denise

 

as a grandmother I am probably a bit  old fashioned, but I agree , TV  and movies are just not good role models.  do you have a family room or den that the kids can hang out in.

Maybe instead of saying NO BOYS IN THE BEDROOM lol you might explain that the family room is just a better choice  maybe allowing snacks in the familyroom and  point out that you dont entertain your friends in your bedroom.

And if your tween is like most the room is probably not exactly presentable at all times , nothing like having the boy you have a crush on seeing your underwear tossed across your desk. lol

just my 2 cents worth.

 

love Wolfie

Ok, well.....this is a bit of a difficult situation because of the fact that I'm also stuck with being old fashioned but, having had to learn to come to grips with the "new world" as my daughter (now 25) put it to me years ago. 

 

Here's my thoughts on this. 

 

Firstly, IF there is another area of the house for your daughter and her friends to gather, having some privacy to themselves, ie: a basement recreational room or family room where they won't necessarily be amongst the rest of the family, then I'd say that it's perfectly acceptable to let your daughter know that you respect her wish for some privacy with her friends but, the bedroom isn't the place and give her the alternative room with your best wishes. 

 

However, IF her bedroom is the only place in the house where they can laugh and giggle and listen to music without adult ears right beside them, then I'd made the stipulation that there had to be girls with the boys, the door open and to be prepared for you possibly be walking in that door at any time (to offer snacks or whatever your excuse).  NO CLOSED DOORS!!!  Explain to her that you had very different criteria growing up and that you're TRYING to understand her point of view but, that there has to be a compromise and respect on her part as well for you and your feelings and rules. 

 

My daughter used to have her friends over and before we renovated the basement, the ONLY place she could have friends over that they weren't literally in our laps too was to go to her bedroom.  That door was always left open and there were always girls when boys were over.  There was NEVER a time that she was permitted to go up to her bedroom with a boy on their own, other than to help her carry down her cd's or something. 

 

One thing to keep in mind though Denise.  Whatever can happen in a bedroom, can also happen anywhere else in the house that you're not sitting in the room with them! LOL  So, just something to think about.  Perhaps, giving something a try and if you don't feel comfortable with it, next time doesn't get to happen that way???

 

Best of luck!  I know this is a difficult time!  It doesn't get much better either. *sigh*

 

Love and Light,

Louellen

Ah Lou and Wolfie, raising kids is just grand I tell you! 

 

I want to go with my first feeling which is the 'old' fashioned way vs. the 'new' world, simply 'cuz it's the way I was taught.  But, alas we don't live in a large glamorous house with rooms galore, so her room is truly the only fairly private place she can turn to to get away from...well...me!  And I remember my younger days when I wanted that privacy too - even just to be 'apart' from the grownups.

 

I am going to meet her halfway and ask the same of her, similar to what you suggest Lou.  She can have boys in her room ONLY if other gf's are present AND I think it's fair to keep the door completely open.  Like I mentioned, ours is a small home and I can just about see her door from the bottom of the stairs anyway.  I just wanted some reassurances I was not alone.

 

Thanks for your help - I TRULY appreciate it.  I think it's so important to keep connected with your teens and teenhood is probably the most difficult period to do so.  I agree trying to meet halfway is good for the relationship when permissable.

 

xo, DeniseNH

Jonna, You behaved like real mum there to your son and that disadvantaged girl you helped.

It is interesting to read all the inputs here since we have 2 little girls (7 and 5) and very soon they will come to this age and we have to deal with this as well.

v

I am old fashion too. I have 2 grown children, not married yet. My dad would have never let me in my room with guys. Now days some people have a living room and family room. If yah do I would suggest making the family room like a friends hangout room. You can still see/hear whats kinda happening. On the other hand. Kids will most likley not do anything bad in their room with parents home.If they want to do something, they will no matter if you say no to their bedroom. I have a uncle who was really stricked. All his kids later in their years, did bad things, . When they finally got older and resented his reals, they became bad children, and I mean bad. So I think be open with your kids all the time.  Let them know they can come to you with anything, no matter what it is.   BE THERE FOR YOUR KIDS.