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| | From:  no1zbch (Original Message) | Sent: 10/17/2008 3:51 AM |
Hi Everyone, Sorry I haven't been on the board for a long time. I've been going through some very very difficult times. My life is in total disaray. I've done some pretty bad thing's in which I am very ashamed of and afraid to even speak of. I'm living with a roommate now and have been for a while. To get to the nearest store it's like 3 miles by car. I don't have a car, I don't have a job, and have no way to see my 8 yr. old son who lives with his dad (my ex husband) and have no money to pay any of my bills. I would look for a job but my roommate works from 5am-7pm, which he is unable to give me a ride to an interview if I got one. He is so far behind on bills and is unable to provide me cab or bus money. I've been very depressed for a long time. My ex husband can't help he is on a budget, and lives with his sister. I want to get back together with him but I've hurt him real bad emotionally. I don't know if what I've done can be repaired and if he even still loves me. I was wondering if anyone had any time and energy if you can provide me with a reading? I know I'm not suppose to ask for one, but I am in complete disaray I don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to know if you see thing's turning around for me soon or will I be stuck like this for much longer? Do you feel or see me getting back together with my ex husband, does he want us to get back together? Many hugs, Pam |
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Hi Pam, Although I can't give you a reading, I feel you are in need of some counseling. Don't the community in which you are residing provide free transportation, most places do. If you don't contact some agency for help, you will continue to stay as you are. Please take time to Pray to your Higher Power. You must try to help yourself get out of the, situation you are in. It took a lot to write the post that you did and admitting to whatever happened is the first step. Now take it to a higher level, search for help. I will keep you in my Prayers and ask God to help you. ((((Hugs, Ellen)))) |
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Pam I am sure your ex still loves you, you share a son, but sometime pride stays in the way, do you have any girlfriends that you could move in with near your town that you could walk and get a job? times are tough on everyone now, I think that would improve what seems to be going on I wish I could tell you what going to happen but you need to keep telling yourself things will get better try to stay out of depressed state, sometimes mind over how things are going helps more than you know sending my prayers Jan |
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Hi no1z, I am sorry things have become so desperate for you. My first thought is that only you through focus, determination, and self-commitment will move you out of this situation. You need to reach out to community resources, Department of Human Services, Employment Department, women's shelters, counseling, etc. so you can learn about available programs for self-sufficiency and so that YOU can begin rebuilding your life. You need to take power and control over your life and not be dependent on others, particularly the men who come into your life. As I read your question regarding your ex-husband, I do not see you getting back together with him. The feeling is not so much his pride is getting in the way but the need for self-preservation. I do not mean to be unkind but enough is enough and though he may care about you as the mother of your child, I don't think he will allow you to become emotionally close to him again. He will probably do what he can to protect the best interest of your child and be supportive as he can during YOUR rebuilding of your life. Pam, please do get on the phone today, call some of your local community services, find out about how to obtain food, shelter, clothing for yourself and also look into some employment training programs. I wish you all the best. I know your struggle has been long and hear you when you say you have made mistakes. We all do. But now is time to take responsibility for yourself and your life. Hugs, searching  |
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I agree with Searchingahead. I do not know where you are located, but many towns/cities offer public transportation but I also know that some do not (like mine) which makes it tough. Pam, I tend to be fairly candid...I never mean to be cruel or mean...it's just part of who I am so forgive me if I come across sternly - it's just part of me. Lou will back me on that! I have been with BTV & Lou for a very long time and many people here know me and know I am a kind & understanding person. I haven't read cards for at least a year or 2, but I think I will for you tonight. Here are my 2 cents... 1. Firstly, you are looking at too much. You need to look at ONE thing at a time and ONLY one thing. You are overwhelming yourself. (You are not alone in your situation. There are many others going through difficult or similar times. It's an odd way to feel better, but knowing you are not the only one struggling helps your psyche.) 2. Secondly, your ex is with his family; you should be with yours and not a roommate. Time to call your parents or siblings if possible. You need family support, not roommate support - you are not your roommates' responsibility. I understand some people don't have much of a family or have been ostracized. If you are not speaking with your family over a previous argument, get over it and swallow your pride - apologize, acknowledge, and start dealing with your issues. If you created them, you need to clean them up. 2. Thirdly, every state in the USA has a community outreach of some sort, either run by the town and/or the government (food stamps, utility assistance, education programs for employment, etc.). Find your offices and call them - 411 or phone book should have something listed. 3. Make your list of what you need to accomplish - DON'T set huge goals right now that reach years ahead. Make SHORT TERM goals over a quick timeline: Examples: **over weekend, call family and ask for help. I'm not saying to beg, but mind your p's and q's (remember, it's not what you say but how you say it). I think someone may reach out to you & help. **next week contact food stamp office AND unemployment office (either place can tell you where to go for other assistance like learning a trade for employment and living assistance); **ask unemployment office where to find some transportation and help to get transportation of your own (perhaps by now your family will be helping you); During nicer weather, if you must, get a bike from Goodwill or Salvation Army and ride. I rode my bike to work before when it was a mile away...it's not a big deal. **the following week, apply for nightly education classes to teach you something to get employed; I say nightly because during the day you will be working. ANY job will do at this time if you have no experience doing anything else. You need a paycheck. Everyone starts somewhere - don't be embarrassed or feel foolish. flip burgers, drive a schoolbus, be a nanny, run a cash register, anything to get some green in your pocket. **once you have wheels, find a support group and visit them to either listen or listen & discuss. They will never pressure you to do anything you don't want to. Sometimes therapy comes with just listening - the members know that and appreciate it. Pam, I wish it could be easier but it isn't. You have to start somewhere. My mom always told me that when you are at the bottom, there is only one other way to go and that is up (which is good)! I feel it is important that you know I really understand your feeling of desperation. Right now you feel you are see-through and that others you meet can read all about you and your life simply by looking at you. This feeling will push you down and set you back and make you feel foolish and like an idiot. It will allow you to let things overcome you vs. you overcome them. No one can see through you Pam; there is no need to feel foolish or stupid. I don't recommend keeping your feelings inside, but I understand not wanting to air your laundry to your family or friends, which is why you should find a group. I also believe there are online groups - great idea for true anonyminity (did I spell that right?!) I will try to flip cards for you tonight Pam...no promises, ok? DeniseNH |
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Hi Pam,
I know sometimes we feel at the mercy of our situations, or "stuck" in the consequences of our decisions. Yet "stuck" is a daily choice. Sometimes we don't have the energy or resolve to take any action, so we resign ourselves to another day of being "stuck."
The truth is, you are more resourceful than you give yourself credit for .... you came to this group, asking for advice, right? That's one awesome step, in the right direction! You are no longer willing to settle for "stuck."
Every day, try to take at least one small action, toward improving your situation. Promise yourself, at least one small step. Maybe today it's something as simple as, giving fair consideration to all the wonderful advice provided by your friends in BTV. Just think about it, with an open mind.
Maybe tomorrow, your next step is, trying one thing on the list. Making one phone call. Just ask a few questions. See what your options might be.
Maybe the next day, you're feeling overwhelmed. Take this day to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, do some stretches, get some sunshine, do a random act of kindness, play your favourite music, anything to remember "who you are."
In other words, until you have a job, go to work everyday for "Pam's future" :) Make every day count, in some small way, to rebuilding your life. Your job right now is to restore your depleted energy; bring up your spirits, and think about opportunities and options (and not always obstacles and blocks).
PS - Keep a list of all your actions and thoughts. Count everything! Count this email you wrote as the first most important thing you did!!
Much Love,
K-Galaxie
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Very good advice from all here. Only one thing I would add - and forgive me for being blunt, but . . . - lose the moniker 'no1zbch.' It's a real negative statement of self image. And self image is the most important first step in building confidence and a positive approach to life and well being. Surrounding you with love and light. Celt |
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Thank you, Celtic, I made that same suggestion several months ago along with some others. I still get the same gut reaction when I see that handle. I agree with the self-negativity. Please, Pam, Celtic has made a very good point. I hope you take it into consideration. searching |
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Im sending a Prayer for you. Much Love Linda |
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Hi Pam, I'm not able to do a card reading at this time because I can't find them! I am sure they are in a specific closet, but unfortunately due to my own lack of organization and also from everyone else using that area to toss their things & forget about them, my cards seem to be under & behind a bunch of "stuff". Not a healthy place for them to be I know, but like I mentioned before, it has been a long time since I have used them & they simply got buried. There is a lot of good advice here in these posts; I hope you can find strength in yourself to pull through. |
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Hi Pam. Nice to hear you are still around. I am so sorry for what you are going through. If you really need to talk to someone about what you have done, and what has happen. Email me I am a good listianer. We go way back, and I am so sorry you are living this life right now. Hugs to you Pam. Love Tina |
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Take great care of yourself, Pam. When you are able, keep us updated on your progress. Remember K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple and Sweet.) My prayers and support are with you. searching |
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Will be keeping you in meditations for health, well being, and positive protection. You are taking a giant leap, and I know it will difficult being away from your child, but sometimes making that choice to help yourself is the best decision. Once you get yourself centered and stabilized, you will be able to make a better life for the two of you. I applaud you for making a difficult choice. Do keep us updated on your progress. Hugs, Love, Light Celt |
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To start with, you are aware of how you got into this mess and that's good. Sometimes you have to hit a "bottom" before you appreciate what you had. There is always a way to make things happen in a positive way if you really really want to. I know you can do this. There are church groups, women's centers,social services and lots of other places you can seek help at. The fact that you admit your wrongdoings is great. The best way to show someone you love them is to spring into action and get yourself out of this hole you are in and prove you want a better life with your family. Walking is good for depression. You can DO IT. Best wishes, Kari |
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