Good Excuses
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of
the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you
to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If
I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood
sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed
to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If
I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white
line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
On Safari
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One
evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her
mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying
to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to
look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a
chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick,
impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this
mess, let him get himself out of it."
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