| Dear Toni and Ben, I hope that Denise will pass this letter on to you as you grieve for the loss of your special angel, Lucianna. How is it that I am drawn here to a post at 'Behind the Veil' when I have many other groups and topics being discussed where I could post a message? Why do you need me to invest my time and energy writing about my own experiences? I have lived my entire life very close to the veil that is in place over one's mind at the time they are born. Some little children remember and see things that they are unable to share or talk about, eventually 'forgetting' when they begin to speak. Even though one does not normally retain any memory of premortal existence, life there had profound influence on desires and mentality here in this world. The amount of progress individuals made during the premortal existence varied a great deal. There were those who sustained the plans and purposes of God basically, but were not valiant in their support. Others were extremely valiant and became noble and great. This is the case of your dear Lucianna. She had no need of additional experiences in mortality because our premortal existence was a probation, a period of progress, a period of schooling, and, most importantly, a period of extensive decision making. It is this decision making that I want to explain further, for I have had many times been escorted to higher celestial realms where these more valiant spirits dwell who have no need of a mortal probation and testing. As I was allowed to remember my birth, I was shown that I was nearly a 'still-born' baby. My body had been formed perfectly in the womb. As I stood in spirit waiting to go down and enter my body, I hesitated. I knew what kind of opposition I would face here. I knew that there were those dark spirits who are a necessary part of mortality...usually unseen but always there and readily available to destroy those who are of the light. As I stood, not wanting to leave my loved ones, I was suddenly with our Creator. He stood and showed me endless concourses of others who were in perfect order of their coming to earth. He showed me those who had gone before me to prepare for me and my work on earth. He promised to place light and protection from the Destroyer around me if I would continue on in this Eternal work that He had given me to do. There is a Divine Plan! It was still so difficult. He called twelve who are fully endowed with the powers of Heaven. They were assigned to escort me to, and attend me on earth. I had not entered my mother's womb during the entire pregnancy because there had been an oath by the Destroyer that he would destroy me in the flesh if I were to take a physical body. As I approached the time of birth, I stepped into the womb. It felt so dark and I asked where the light was. My mother began screaming out, "I hate you! I hate you!" and other things as I saw dark spirits enter her body. I fought for my life in the womb. I had to experience this to enable me to know and recognize the powers of darkness as they get equal time with those, like the 12 beings of light, assigned to me. I felt immediately a need to project love to those who were trying to destroy me and my mother. My mother passed out. I was out of body briefly and one who had been given the assignment to oversee my life instructed me on how to return to my body and go through with the birth. I did choose to live. Had I not done so, I would have been a still-born baby. Interesting is the issues it caused with my mother. She always wanted to know why I was different. She would often attack me for no reason. She was verbally abusive, etc. I had many experiences all my life that would take a great deal of time to even tell you about, let alone write. But years later my mother would become angry with me because she had to carry me TEN months instead of the normal nine. It had taken another month of earth time for me to finally decide I would be born. Interesting is that of my 11 children, only the first and last born were born, exactly on their due date. The others were ten month babies. I found out a few years ago that I have Lupus. With Lupus you experience frequent miscarriage and should not be able to carry a pregnancy to full term. I always hemorrhage with any pregnancy. My own body attacks the forming fetus. It is a miracle that I have the children I have been blessed with. I have had some deeply spiritual experiences with loved ones in spirit who help me when I hover so near death. I am very careful what I share. I trust that only those who need this information will find it. It is something that is to be freely shared, if there is a need. So? I hope and pray that you will find comfort in my account of why I chose to come to such difficult conditions in this life though I had already merited Eternal life. Some of the most valiant spirits who battle darkness, depression, etc. are here because they chose to come as leaders and teachers to those less valiant. With the veil in place over their minds, many do not understand why they endure such hardships and it would be hard to recognize and see their tremendous light. Some of the most valiant and gifted spirits are members in this group. Trust that you will be reunited with Lucianna when the time is right. She will often be near you and a source of inspiration as you go through your allotted walk in time. You are blessed to have been a co-creator in providing her a physical body that will be a part of her when she is resurrected in an exalted state. This may sound difficult for many to comprehend but can bring comfort and understanding of things not understood with the finite understanding of mortality. I have share but a brief account of much more that took place before my birth. I did make the choice to continue because of a god-like love that supercedes anything experienced in mortality. After being allowed to remember my choices, I met a young man, 21 years my junior, who not only remembered me but also described things about the event of my birth that he had no way of knowing. Interesting how people's paths are meant to cross, even briefly, to allow us the conviction of our own hearts. Our hearts have retained the memory of Eternity. May you be blessed with peace and comfort to your hearts! Very sincerely, ~Malauna~ | 
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