Hi Josh:
Josh, your thoughts and feelings are by NO means, stupid, silly, insignificant or out of the ordinary! Many of us in here can totally relate to what it is that you're feeling and going through. We've either been through it or, we're also going through it. Unfortunately, your situation is not "unique".
You know, it doesn't matter what age we are, LOVE HURTS!
Unfortunately, that doesn't stop, even when you're in your 70's!
Love can make us all feel really good, or it can hurt like hell. If it didn't do those things, it wouldn't be called "love". Anytime we care for anyone deeply (even a good frienship), when things aren't going right, it HURTS! It's because we care so deeply that we hurt when things go wrong.
First of all, at 22 years of age, a lot of people haven't had even ONE relationship with any depth! Consider yourself ahead of the game that you've had 2! Heck, Josh.....even at 50 years of age.......a lot of us can't say that we've had even one good one! LOL So, take heart that you're doing just FINE in that department!
When any relationship isn't going right, we can be hurt and feeling as though it's the end of the world. It sounds to me like your Love hasn't matured enough emotionally yet to deal with a heavy-duty relationship and that YOU may be ahead of her emotionally and mentally which may be causing the differences between the two of you and therefore, the problems. And, it sounds as though you are holding a lot of your own feelings in as well, which is compounding the weight that you're feeling on your shoulders over this.
I know that it may feel like your world is crumbling around your right now, but there is so much ahead of you in life. Your mom is one wise woman in saying that things will work out in some way.
Perhaps, you are putting too much of yourself into this entire situation. Perhaps, you should back off JUST A BIT and concentrate more on other things for the time being. That's not saying that you need to end this relationship, but rather put a little more focus into other things rather than solely on this young lady. It sounds like you've been putting most of your effort into her and that's not healthy for either of you, especially given the fact that she IS 4 years younger than you and likely hasn't had the maturity of those 4 extra years yet. She's still very young and very immature in a lot of ways.
What about spending more time with other friends, doing things that you love to do a bit more??? What about starting into NEW interests as well??? It's all about getting yourself out of the sort of deep "rut" that you may be in right now. Perhaps, you are just far too focused on this one thing. That's not healthy for anyone! Even in marriages, each partner has to have their own interests, friends and outtings because, trust me, after 27 years of marriage, I know all to well, that if the focus is solely on the relationship/marriage, there's going to be tension!!! We have to be individuals and not just part of a pair.
So, right now, my best advice is to RELAX WITH THIS just a bit. Take a bit of a step back from the relationship focus and start dividing that energy into other things too. Let Fate take its course. And, once you've become less 'concentrated' on this relationship, and your thoughts and energies are also divided into other things, you'll start to find your thinking about the entire situation becoming clearer too!
And, one last thing. By dividing up your attention to other things and not just focusing them solely on her, SHE will also realize that SHE is not the "center of the universe"!!! Perhaps, just perhaps, SHE needs this as well. It sounds like she has some growing up to do yet. Let her do that.........while you relearn things about YOU!!!
Sound feasible???? Give me your thoughts. I'm listening!
~Louellen~
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