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Problems & Vent : Any MEN want to read & explain?
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Message 1 of 12 in Discussion

From:

eurekadeb (Original Message)

Sent: 11/6/2006 1:48 AM

So after 17 years of being together the man in my life has decided that my talking to a neighbor must be more than a friendshp. I wouldn't even call it THAT. He is a guy who works for our neighbor, and we cross paths now and then, but nothing unusual about it. He HAS to come by my office door and sometimes stops to chat for about a minute. Never more than 2-3. He's about 10 years younger than me and I have absolutely NO INTEREST in him in any way except as a neighbor. I don't even know his last name!

But the thing is is that the guy I'm with has many female friends with whom he talks, rides horses with, calls and works with and for, and I understand it's just part of our life and what we do. I don't usually think much of it.

So, I just recently got a new job which is demanding a lot of my time right now, and I understand that may cause a problem, but I am trying as much as possible to not let it get in our way. I have even stayed home when I should have been at the office because he wasn't feeling well. But yet when I'm home he finds things he needs to do as well.

So what the ****? Is he just feeling insecure due to my new job or is it that he's looking for something to cause a fight about?

I think it may be that he's just not fulfilled enough in what he's doing but I can not be responsible for makinghim happy! And he has said the same o me many times as well!

I don't get it and I know I don't deserve this. I will NOT let any man, or woman, tell me who I can or can not talk to. I will NEVER be controlled by any man!

What's your opinion??.

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Message 2 of 12 in Discussion

Sent: 11/6/2006 11:00 PM

This message has been deleted due to termination of membership.

Message 3 of 12 in Discussion

From:

eurekadeb

Sent: 11/7/2006 8:06 PM

1 Fussy cat,

not sure what you meant there because in my world "everything is meant to be" or it wouldn't be happening. Especially after 17 years together-something was meant to be, huh? LOL

Maybe just one more lesson to go through again until it's resolved instead.

Thanks for replying.

Message 4 of 12 in Discussion

From:

Voyager90AU

Sent: 11/8/2006 11:27 PM

As a one of few men in tis site - I think you have answered the question yourself.

" Is he just feeling insecure due to my new job " I think so.

Is your job better than his, Are you earning more? U can survive without his support?

If u can say yes to these question - I am sure he is feeling threatened by it and he is worried you may eventually leave him. It's this fear and added jealousy is the problem he can't deal with. Instead of gaining you he will eventually loose you in his behaviour. You probably should explain to him that if you want him still. Just tell him you don't treat him lower because of ur new position. Yiu have to sit with him and talked it out I guess. If he does not change I am afraid it's difficult to get back from that position.

Voyager

Message 5 of 12 in Discussion

From:

eurekadeb

Sent: 11/10/2006 9:27 PM

Thank you voyager for responding. VERY GOOD advice on all accounts. We're working through it.

Mahalo nui loa (Thank you big time)

Message 6 of 12 in Discussion

From:

Dew_____

Sent: 11/13/2006 8:29 AM

Hi eurekadeb,

Let me add my two cents worth. As Voyager has rightly said, there seems to be only a few males around in this site. As one of them, what I see is a fear in him, man of your life. That fear seems to have many faces to it. First is the fear of losing you and apparently everything else is revolving around it.

I am happy about you in your statement of yourself:

"I will NOT let any man, or woman, tell me who I can or can not talk to. I will NEVER be controlled by any man!"

During the past couple of months I was reading "Conversations with God - Book 1" that happened to Neale Donald Walsch - I shall post its details in the Books board, here in BTV. I have come across many things that would be quite useful in our lives. One of them is what I am suggesting to you: Be yourself!

Just do whatever that pleases you irrespective of what he thinks, feels, says or does about it. But, give him freedom to do the same with himself. Then see whether you can accept each other as you are. If you can, that is fine and you can be together. Otherwise, there is no need to be cheating to yourselves, go on your own ways....

Love and Light

Dew

Message 7 of 12 in Discussion

From:

Louellen2

Sent: 11/15/2006 12:57 AM

Ahhhhh.........Deb..........who can figure out a male's thinking????

(Oh, I know I'm going to get it from Voyager and Dew now!

)

Actually, though I agree with both of them for a change....SURPRISE GUYS!!!

I think he feels a bit "threatened" by the amount of time that your job is taking away from him and it seems that there's some "insecurity" added that you COULD find someone else while you're out in the "real world". If WE were to think straight, we might find that a little "flattering" that he cares that much to have these feelings. However, having said that much.........there's another possibility here!

He's a MAN. The "neighbor" is a MAN. And.........................seeing that it's a MAN that is your neighbor and talking to you, it doesn't matter WHAT YOUR thinking on this is because.....................

A MAN KNOWS HOW ANOTHER MAN THINKS!!!!!

(That's grounds for WORRY!!!)

Uhhhhhhh.........does THAT give you a hint??????

Lou

XO XO XO

Message 8 of 12 in Discussion

From:

Dew_____

Sent: 11/17/2006 9:32 AM

No Lou,

You are not going to get anything bad. I don't know what it is called or why or how it happens but I agree with you that it happens... and what you have said is true....

Anyway I appreciate your agreement with me.

Love and Light

Dew

Message 9 of 12 in Discussion

From:

iamwhispermoon

Sent: 11/17/2006 1:37 PM

quick synopsis - i am in a hurry lol

you guys made a move

you had to adjust because you changed a lot of facets of your life for this move

you have found things that interest you

that make you happy

so you have changed in a sense and are growing

sometimes when in a partnership, when one person changes, the other does not

he cannot understand why you are suddenly so new and different to him

so he suspects that it cannot possibly be due to internal growth

(because he has gotten complacent with you and now takes you and the relationship for granted)

so since it is not possible for you to grow (since he had no involvement)

he is looking for external, tangible reasons for your change

and it is because you are "interested" in another man

he cannot figure it out and this was an easy solution

you need to step back first and see if i am right about you having changed

are you a different person that you were a year ago

do you like how things are going for you?

are you happy?

you need to have a non-emotional talk with him - and that means, if possible, no yelling and screaming

the only way he will be happy again is if you go back to your dormant self

so you need to show him that it is the work you do now, or the new experiences (of HA even living in HAWAII now geez lol) that are making you happy

if he cannot get that thru his thick head, then he needs to understand that he is going to slowly lose the best thing that ever happened to him

keep us posted

HUGS

Message 10 of 12 in Discussion

From:

ks_grandma

Sent: 11/17/2006 5:19 PM

Lets not forget this statment. Are you sure hes not cheating on you? Maybe this is another reason he is actng up. he feels guilty about what he may be doing.

If I am wrong then I am sorry for my thoughts. I hope I am wrong.

Nancy

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Message 11 of 12 in Discussion

Sent: 11/17/2006 5:20 PM

This message has been deleted by the author.

Message 12 of 12 in Discussion

From:

eurekadeb

Sent: 11/18/2006 2:07 AM

wow, to all of you who answered me on my man, job and whatever situation. All of you had wonderful ideas, suggestions and thoughts, and it's so nice to know you cared enough to take the time to respond. That's why I love this group so much. When I have needed a sounding board you are all here for me. Thanks so much!

My man and I are working through his pretty well. Yes, his vulnerabilites sure showed in this situation and he has had me all to his self for quite some time with no outside influences for a while. We are mostly together and when I accepted my new position it did make a change in our relationship. He admitted to it all and his fears, too, so that was a good thing.

Yes, I'm terribly happy over here in Hawaii and my new job is wonderful. So fulfilling and balances out my world so well. Just what I have been asking for!

I admit I am a changed person-for the better I hope! Maybe this will be for the better for both of us in the long run, too.

Thanks so much for your support!!!!

Blessings!

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