Hello all. I don't post alot but this question bothered me and my guides told me to answer from my heart. I apologize it may be long but it's worth it to hear. My mother was diagnosed with melanoma 11 years ago. It was October 31, 1992 that she went to MD Anderson on an experiemental drug program. The tumor was stationary on her right torso. Just from her neck down to her waist and up the side. Just the one side of her torso. It metastized and localized there. It didn't go anywhere but out. It became this ugly black and purple thing with all these little light purple postules that grew out of it. Although it did go to her brain, they did radiation and irradicated that. My grandfather, who i had been taking care of since her diagnosis as my aunt was with her, gave it up when he heard that his oldest daughter had cancer in the brain and proceeded to will himself to death. He was determined not to bury one of his kids. We buried him on March 27, 2003. Mom came home to be with the family but she got sick and had to be in the hospital when we buried Papa Dear. She promised me she would be there to celebrate my 32nd birthday. She promised. I buried my mother two days before my birthday. On my adoptive brother's birthday. He was one of the honorary pall bearers. Mom had a thing where she would call each of us kids at 7 am on our birthdays when she got to work. Two days after I buried my mother, on my birthday, she called me. I let the phone ring for 30 minutes before I answered it because I knew it was her and I was still pissed at her for not being there in person to celebrate my birthday. She sang me happy birthday and then she said something I had never heard from her in life. She said,'I love you baby.' Now I knew I had been loved by this woman that I had been at odds with since I could remember. But what I want to get across is this. My mother had a DNR on her medical records. This means do not resuscitate. We spent that last nite with her in the hospital and the tumor was cutting off her diaphragm. So she was choking something horrible. It got to the point that I told my sister and my aunt that if it continued I was going to smother her with the pillow because I couldn't stand to hear the sounds coming from her. Everytime she started choking they would leave the room. I stayed. So when she finally opened her eyes at 5"57am I was there. I told her it was ok to go to just leave with Papa Dear as he had come to take her home. She died with a smile and a tear just as the sun came up. Now suicide is just blatantly wrong. God gives u this life to live and u don't have the right to decide how ur going to end it. For ppl with terminal illnesses, if they want to go and they make that known to u, u have a God given right after u pray and get the go ahead from Him to pull the plug or whatever. If my mother hadn't had the DNR, I don't know what could have happened. She was responding to the medication. She just gave it up when her Daddy died. And as a consequense, we buried six ppl that year in six months. From March to November, we had buriels. Would I have actually smothered my mother? Yes I would have. Sign me

 

Learned it a little too late