Over the last two years I have had many bouts of depression. Since my niece Shelley's death in Feb. of 2004 I have lost my grandson Andy, my uncle Bruce, my brother-in-law Frank, my brother Max, and two of my beloved pets, Patches and Reboot. At first all I wanted to do was stay in bed and not be bothered by anyone. Then I would spend days and days just crying wishing I were dead.Sometimes the bouts of depression  lasted for weeks and other times it's a spur of the moment thing where I'll just burst into tears. For awhile I was really wondering why God was doing this to me. What had I done to deserve all this pain? I've always thought of myself as a good and kind person, and I don't like to hurt or see anyone hurt, so why me? Well I've thought long and hard about it and the only thing I do know is that God did not do this to me. Shelley and Andy were both young people who took a risk and paid dearly for their bad choice. Frank and my uncle and my brother were really fortunate because they had all lived good lives, had children, and 2 of the 3 had grandchildren. As far as my pets go, Patches (cat) lived to be 18 years old and Reboot (bird) was 20. The more I thought about it the more I realized that instead of being depressed I should be thankful that God had allowed me to know Shelley for 21 years, and Andy for 17 years. I still get depressed from time-to-time, but I try to keep in mind that I am sad because they gone, and I am lonely because I don't get to see them anymore, but I know that some day we will all meet again in heaven. Now I try to keep myself busy with this site and the people who are in the boat as me. And I believe that I was guided here for that reason.

 

Hugs...Shannon

From: lovelight  (Original Message)

Sent: 11/11/2006 5:01 AM

I to have been suffering depression now for so many years. About seven to be prosaic, since I lost Lee, Then I lost my Mum Dad husband and now my brother. Some times I feel like I don't belong to my own body, If you can under stand, I feel like I want to just give up and be with them. I live on my own and in a town that i really don't know any one. I am not the type of person that can just up and meet people. So I don't have any one to talk to except the gentleman I now am seeing. But He does not under stand me. He thinks that when someone dies you should just move on. Well, I am sorry but Lee was and is my youngest son. To be taken like he was, is so hard to deal with even after all the seven years. As for my Mum Dad Husband and Brother, they as you say had a good life My Mum was 75 years my Dad 86 Husband 73 and brother not so old but 61 years. But still I miss them. My depression is less now but i still get it. I will not take the tablets that the doctor gives me as i would not like to get addicted. So now when i feel like crying I think of Lee and talk to him, this helps me personally.   Lovelight

I have had a huge round of depression this week...It started out Monday morning.  I bawled a lot that day.  Miy son, Ray, came by for his lunch break, I told him that I was not having a bad day...he asked why...I told him because on Wednesday the 2nd, was the 6 year anniversary of the daiy Bobby died. Bobby was Ray's older brother and they were very close..   I cried a lot on Tuesday May 1st also..Just could not seem to shake the blues....Then, on Wednesday, May 2, there were some more tears, and then I could almost hear Bobby telling me not to be so sad, because he is well, he has no pain, and he is happy.  That made me feel better, and the day was not as bad as I had anticipated.  There is not a day goes by that I don't think of him often,,,and he is never out of my heart, none of my children, grand-children, or great-grandchildren are far from my thoughts for very long....they are all such a blessing!

 

Thanks for listening...well, actually there is no one here, so I guess no one is listening.

Hugs...Rean 

It has been 6 years now and I am still depressed and takeing meds for it and probably always will.....I have tried to go without them and can't do it.....I am doing better and am getting on with my life but it sure is different than it used to be....

 

Nancy Jo

 

 

My doctor asked if I wanted something before I was discharged 2 weeks after losing my daughter, and Im glad I did. The antidepressents do seem to help my cope better, but since it is all so fresh, the loss and the meds, we shall see. I honestly think I need a stronger mg..But maybe its just me because its too soon. I go to the doctor in a week for a med check so hopefully she can shed some light on it..Hopefully I hear something about my daughter's death as well..Still waiting..

 

Anne

Mommy to Kylie Ann 10-29-07