Over the last two years I have had many bouts of depression. Since my niece Shelley's death in Feb. of 2004 I have lost my grandson Andy, my uncle Bruce, my brother-in-law Frank, my brother Max, and two of my beloved pets, Patches and Reboot. At first all I wanted to do was stay in bed and not be bothered by anyone. Then I would spend days and days just crying wishing I were dead.Sometimes the bouts of depression  lasted for weeks and other times it's a spur of the moment thing where I'll just burst into tears. For awhile I was really wondering why God was doing this to me. What had I done to deserve all this pain? I've always thought of myself as a good and kind person, and I don't like to hurt or see anyone hurt, so why me? Well I've thought long and hard about it and the only thing I do know is that God did not do this to me. Shelley and Andy were both young people who took a risk and paid dearly for their bad choice. Frank and my uncle and my brother were really fortunate because they had all lived good lives, had children, and 2 of the 3 had grandchildren. As far as my pets go, Patches (cat) lived to be 18 years old and Reboot (bird) was 20. The more I thought about it the more I realized that instead of being depressed I should be thankful that God had allowed me to know Shelley for 21 years, and Andy for 17 years. I still get depressed from time-to-time, but I try to keep in mind that I am sad because they gone, and I am lonely because I don't get to see them anymore, but I know that some day we will all meet again in heaven. Now I try to keep myself busy with this site and the people who are in the boat as me. And I believe that I was guided here for that reason.

 

Hugs...Shannon