WHY is it so very difficult for me to show my vulnerable side to others. It's like I get stressed out and suffer some unfair incident and I go shut myself up and appear wayward. I resort into my logical thinking side and bottle my emotions up - thus my anxiety attacks.

 

Maybe it's an escapist behavior - shutting the wolrd out and not being aseertive or speaking up for myself.

 

I find when I'm doing my stand up comedy I still am guarded on stage. It takes me such a very long time to warm up to people. Sometimes it's like I DARE NOT show my feelings.....I spent 30 someodd years acting like a chameloen trying to maintain peace in relationships. While I secretly agree to disagree.

 

I figure I need to get one of those jobs that puts me out there - in the spotlight - where I must open up and engage with the audience. I find I don't get enough practise with karaoke and my weekly 5 minutes of stand up. When I focussed more on my singing, this gave me more time in the spotlight.......

 

I'm a recovering introvert - it been quite a challenge for me moving from the dark table in the corner and being silent to standing on stage talking about my life or singing songs. I know in my heart of hearts this is the direction I must take.

 

I still don't like being a caregiver - and I'm certain a change is needed.....progress should happen shortly after April 18th.....

 

Ty again CLM

 

Cyn