Why Being "Good" Is Bad

Deciding what to eat shouldn’t be an ethical dilemma: Eating a piece of cake won't land you in dieter's prison, but dwelling in the good/bad mentality will make it harder for you to lose weight.

No carbs. No desserts. No between-meal snacks ever again. We all set rules like these for ourselves when we're trying to lose weight. But ironically, they're the very things that keep us from being successful. "Setting diet rules establishes an all-or-nothing mentality: You can't have or do something, and if you do, you've failed �?which then makes it easy to just give up entirely," explains Real Life Healthy Life (RLHL) nutrition expert Elisa Zied, R.D., author of Feed Your Family Right! Here, Zied helps RLHL participants Crystal, Lily, and Maria identify their diet rules and offers simple suggestions that can help them �?and you �?break the rulemaking habit and adopt a healthier, happier, slimmer outlook.

Maria Mills, 37

Pounds lost: 9.5

Stay at home mom; married with two children, ages 4 and 2; Binghamton, NY

What is your biggest diet rule, and how do you feel when you break it?
"When I'm being good, I try not to snack at all. Or I may have just one cookie and then put the rest back in the pantry. But sometimes when I'm up late or I've had a few drinks, I'll have two cookies, then later I'll have two more, and then I'll have a burger.... When it snowballs like that I get so mad at myself."

Expert insight: "Maria tends to polarize foods as good or bad, and then passes judgment on herself based on what she eats," explains Zied. "In other words, when she eats a ‘bad' food, she's bad �?and then she deals with those negative emotions by eating more. Rather than beating herself up, Maria should remind herself that sometimes it's okay to splurge, and that making her next choice a healthy one is all it takes to get back on track. And if she finds herself in the middle of overindulging and wants to stop, she should try popping a piece of gum or a mint in her mouth, or brushing and flossing her teeth and rinsing with mouthwash. It sounds simple, but it provides an opportunity to think about whether she really wants to continue eating."

When are you most likely to lose the mindset of moderation?
"At parties. I was brought up believing that fun and food go together. Everyone's always talking about food �?'You have to try this, you have to try that.' My husband's family is the same way. And there's always another party or event coming up �?I can't use the excuse that it's a special occasion when there's one almost every weekend!"

Expert insight: "During a party, Maria should consider asking someone she trusts to help support her healthy habits," suggests Zied. "For instance, she could tell a good girlfriend or close cousin, ‘I only want to have one cookie tonight �?after I've had my first, can you remind me to have a glass of seltzer water instead of going for seconds?'"

How has RLHL helped you overcome the all-or-nothing diet mentality?
"When I used to get a craving for chocolate, my standard fix was an entire king size bar of dark chocolate. Now I've switched to Adora Calcium Disks, and I'll eat just one or two. They're only 30 calories a pop, they give me that hit of chocolate I want, plus they have 500 mg of calcium each, which I usually don't get enough of."

Lily Chern, 29

Pounds lost: 8

Business analyst/entrepreneur; engaged, no children; New York City

What is your biggest diet rule, and how do you feel when you break it?
"As a rule, I would never buy a candy bar or a bag of chocolates, because if they're around, I'll eat them. But even today, we had a lunch party at my office, so I went to the grocery store to pick up a birthday cake, desserts, soda, and snacks. I told myself to buy stuff that I didn't like so I wouldn't eat it �?but then I bought brownie bites and cheesecake, which I do like. I broke my rule, and I went overboard �?and then I really regretted it. I felt guilty and disappointed in myself."

Expert insight: "Lily really loves sweets, so her no-sweets-buying rule leaves her feeling deprived �?and looking for other opportunities to eat them," says Zied. "She should proactively break this rule by buying her favorite treats in small amounts �?such as candy bar miniatures or snack size bags of sweets �?and then planning to enjoy one serving at the time of day she craves sweets the most. Giving herself permission to indulge will help evaporate her guilt and quell the desire to overdo it the next time dessert crosses her path."

When are you most likely to lose the mindset of moderation?
"Big family functions, parties �?whenever I'm in a social environment and there's a lot of food out and there are no built-in portions. If there's food I like there, it's hard for me to stop myself."

Expert insight: "I recommend that Lily institute her own portion control by filling up a small plate and eating from that rather than grazing from giant platters and bowls of food," suggests Zied. "Once the plate is empty, she should put it down and pick up a glass of diet soda or seltzer water mixed with 100 percent fruit juice �?she'll likely eat less when she has only one free hand. Walking into another, food-free room will also help take her mind off of wanting seconds."

How has RLHL helped you overcome the all-or-nothing diet mentality?
"Sometimes when I get off track, I think, Well, the day's already shot, I might as well keep going this way and then start over again tomorrow. But now that I'm keeping a food log throughout the day, it helps me get back on track right away. It's so easy to see when I go over in one food category so I can compensate for the next day or two, or where I'm falling short in another category so I know what to plan to make for dinner that night."

Crystal Smith, 34

Pounds lost: 12

Owns/runs a travel agency from home; married with three children, ages 5 and 3 (twins); Plainfield, NJ

What is your biggest diet rule, and how do you feel when you break it?
"My one food rule is no snacks when I'm stressed. I internalize a lot of worries and emotions: It's unhealthy, it makes me cranky, and then I have that little devil on my shoulder saying, ‘You know you want that cookie, you know you want that soda �?it's all right.' Next thing you know, I've finished an entire bag of potato chips. Then I feel guilty, so I eat more because I feel guilty �?and I wind up feeling miserable. I'm getting better at keeping my no-stress-eating rule, but I still break it on occasion. For example, I recently lost a loved one, and I was handling the estate. It was very depressing and nerve racking, and for an entire week I indulged every day �?cookies, chocolate, whatever."

Expert insight: "When Crystal gets stressed and the cravings strike, the first thing she should do is ask herself how she really feels and what she really needs to feel better," says Zied. "Think or say out loud, 'Am I actually hungry, or would doing something relaxing like calling a friend or listening to music make me feel better?' If she's honest with herself, odds are food won't be the answer �?so she should go with one of her healthier coping strategies. And to prepare for future stress, Crystal could also make a list of her favorite food-free ways to unwind on an index card, and then place the card in plain view so it's handy when she needs the inspiration."

How has RLHL helped you overcome the all-or-nothing diet mentality?
"I used to be really harsh with myself. I didn't allow myself any leeway �?if I had one little treat, it meant I fell off the wagon. Now, I'm much more forgiving of myself. For example, the day before my last weigh-in, my scale showed that I hadn't lost any weight. A few months ago, I would have been upset and eaten an entire pint of chocolate chocolate-chip ice cream. This time I thought, It's okay, you haven't gained any weight. Then I looked back at what I'd been doing over the past few weeks to see what habits I needed to change."

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/why-being-good-is-bad?ecd=wnl_wct_070907