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A Good Vent : I need to write this down
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 Message 1 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameNić  (Original Message)Sent: 6/6/2005 10:09 AM
I dont know if this is a vent as Im not angry just sad.... me and John are not getting on at the moment, not for a while really if I look back. we argue all the time, just petty things we snipe and sometimes just  not talk... he sulks like a kid, he snaps at everything I say. example yesterday friend asks when is the longest day john said the 20th june i said the 21st... he then has a strop at me as if I was critisising him  He sulks on the beach as I hadnt made any sandwiches so like a fookin martre just eats plain bread, even thought there was tuna ham tomatoes etc... Which is what we always have on the beach..this goes on all day..He snaps at the kids I could go on and on ...Oh and then wonders why im not in the mood for sex  we got up this morning and other than me saying see you later thats all we said to each other, John will carry on not talking for ever and then blame me for it
 
I really dont think I can go on like this anymore pretending everything ok  if I try to talk to him he goes staight into the defencive and says it all me..... I think he is seriously going through a mid life crisis...his mom is coming tomorrow and im dreading it, he is off work and I just know its just going to be so hard....Ive even thought about what will happen if we split up and if I would go back to the uk....


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 Message 2 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameghaensSent: 6/6/2005 11:11 AM
Ah Nic, now awful for you... Gary and I can get exactly the same... had a mini one last week so I know just how bad you feel right now.  Can't offer any advice only support and an ear or a shoulder should you need it...

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 Message 3 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameNićSent: 6/6/2005 11:42 AM
thanks Noel, I just needed to talk about it as not having my best mate here is difficult and I have to stop bottling it in or I will explode We need to talk but very bad timing with his mom coming....

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 Message 4 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname©jen©Sent: 6/6/2005 11:46 AM
Aww Nic,bless you hunni
I know its hard and yes I do believe they have mid life crisis or male menopause!!!!!
Andy and me have moments like that,if fact we had a mega moment a few weeks ago,if front of friends too I told him to fook off as his dad has a spare room!! Well we got over it and things have been fine since.
I think sometimes if you shock them into realising how close you are to telling them to sod off they get a shock and realise what to**ers they are being.
I really hope that you both get through this,and Im sure you will.Sometimes you need to make time for just the two of you.
We are all here for you if you need to rant hun,sometimes it makes you feel a little better when you can tell people what a fook head your other half is!!!well it helps me.

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 Message 5 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamemummycoolSent: 6/6/2005 1:02 PM
Hunni, I know what your'e going through too, I've been there. How old is John? Does seem to be something that hits them around the 40 mark. Mark was really wierd just before his. Yes you do need to talk and you need to let him know unhappy your'e feeling. Maybe once his mum has left. I hope you can talk this through and come out happier the other side. Jen's also right about having time for just the two of you. Is that difficult, do you always have the boys being out there? It does make a difference, even if its only a couple times a year that you get away alone. Sending you huge hugs hunni xxx

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 Message 6 of 13 in Discussion 
From: janeSent: 6/6/2005 1:07 PM
for the other side of the debate..... i left my hubby and came back to UK from Greece. never regretted it one bit. Will return when Rob is at Uni. Have done a degree and am now a teacher. Whatever happens it will all work out.

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 Message 7 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname»ÐÎzŽzŽzŽỷ«™Sent: 6/6/2005 1:17 PM
(((((((( Nik )))))))))
we are here for you to vent your views ...
i donno what to suggest ... all apart from sitting him down strapping him to a chair and sticking a rag in his mouth and then you tell him exactly what you have told us.
Cant his mum have the boys for a night so you can get some time for just u 2 ?
 

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 Message 8 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamestarlightmummySent: 6/6/2005 1:18 PM
awwww Nic hunni...only just seen this . I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too can sympathise (sp?) but can offer no advice i'm afraid . Dean and i have had some awful times. We've thrown things at each other in rage  including rings. Dean even squashed his flat as a pancake, how he managed it to straighten it again i'll never know. I didn't think we'd ever get through it but we have. I go out for a while in the car usually  and when he calls on the mobile after an hour i ignore it and go home an hour later lol. I will agree that you need to tell him how you feel, his mum coming isn't coming at a very good time is she, i hope you both can sort things out, hugs to you hunni  we're here for you if you need to vent about anything
julie x x

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 Message 9 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameNićSent: 6/6/2005 1:34 PM
Thanks so much girls, you really are great. I shall try and chat with him see what type of mood he is in this evening if not ill wait until his mom has gone home...love you guys
 
Oh and Mc he was 40 last year, his mate went through this big time when he was 40, 3 years ago and John is being excactly like him, what worries me is he had an affair I think they panic about getting older, John is obsessed with a healthy diet and looking good and loosing weight, alway asking if he looks good for his age etc but no need to take it out on me though

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 Message 10 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamemummycoolSent: 6/6/2005 2:30 PM
I guessed he might be, as I said Mark was really strange about turning 40, but your totally right, there is no need to take it out on you. Good luck, hope you get to talk it out tonight

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 Message 11 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBigMama�?/nobr>Sent: 6/6/2005 9:07 PM
Awww hun, I hear ya load and clear. I agree with the girls. Bruce turned 40 last year, and yes, they do seem to go through something. Pain in the arse, isn't it? It will be hard to talk to him with his Mum coming, but when Bruce does it, I sit down with him and talk to him in a calm voice and tell him what he's been like. I use a bit of humour, (is it your time of the month?, that sort of thing) before long we are both laughing about it and everythings good, till the next time. The name for it, I believe, is "andropause", its the male version of menopause. Its hard, I know, but everything will be ok hun in the end. Hugs to you mate!!

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 Message 12 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname©Greylady®Sent: 6/7/2005 10:08 AM
Nic, I've only just seen this hun ((((((Nic)))))) .  I'm so sorrry you're having problems.  Paul & I have days when we can be like that, Paul & I are both 47 now, he always says he makes allowances for me, as I am going through the menopause, that's normally when I throw something at him, or fly into a rage, which is where I'm at - at the moment, I don't often post about how "we" are, I think because, to me its just run of the mill boring usual stuff, if you get me, but yes, I think they suddently get to the point, when they think, hang on, I'm getting older, will I still be attractive, etc, as well as work pressures, don't forget you've also had the shop, clothes purchasing, the legal problems with the house (or was that Poll?? ) and the tv production, everything can add up and put pressure on any relationship.
 
I think maybe if you could tell him how unhappy you are and ask him to hear you out before he says anything or flys off the handle, at least then you can get it out in the open, he may not even realise there's anything wrong.  I agree, having his mum over might be an opportunity for you two to talk, even if its only for an hour or so, go for a walk or something, if you don't fancy having a heart to heart over a meal, its much more private that way.  Paul & I have aired a lot of differences over the years and made decisions by just the two of us walking along a beach, no kids, no distractions, just us.
 
Don't bottle it up hun, I hate for it to drive a wedge between you.  You knnow that we are all here for you, good times and bad  Chin up hun

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 Message 13 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebrony116Sent: 6/10/2005 6:24 AM
You need to tell him that you still love him...keep lines of communication open , never go to bed without a goodnight kiss . Things will work out .....I've been with my husband for 27 years, had really bad periods especially caused by our son.
 But at the end of the day he is the man you chose to be with, and you may have to fight to keep him.....just remember that essentially men are stupid and need us terribly. There, go and give the idiot a hug and a kiss

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