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| | From: Lorr© (Original Message) | Sent: 1/1/2007 12:31 PM |
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Everytime you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
" Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's George Bushes clock?" asked the man. "Ah his clock is in Jesus's office..... He's using it as a fan." |
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| | From: Lorr© | Sent: 1/1/2007 2:23 PM |
cant post new................. Subject: THe Wife Translation Guide The wife says: We need The wife means: I want
The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talk The wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: Sure... go ahead The wife means: I don't want you to
The wife says: I'm not upset The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
The wife says: You're... so manly The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights The wife means: I have flabby thighs.
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient The wife means: I want a new house.
The wife says: I want new curtains. The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!
The wife says: I need wedding shoes. The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The wife says: Hang the picture there The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!
The wife says: I heard a noise The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
The wife says: Do you love me? The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me? The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute. The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: Am I fat? The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate. The wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: Are you listening to me? The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]
The wife says: Yes The wife means: No
The wife says: No The wife means: No
The wife says: Maybe The wife means: No
The wife says: I'm sorry The wife means: You'll be sorry
The wife says: Do you like this recipe? The wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.
The wife says: Was that the baby? The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
The wife says: I'm not yelling! The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The wife says: The same old thing. The wife means: Nothing.
The wife says: Nothing. The wife means: Everything.
The wife says: Nothing, really. The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.
The wife says: I don't want to talk about it. The wife means: I'm still building up steam. |
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