MSN Home  |  My MSN  |  Hotmail
Sign in to Windows Live ID Web Search:   
go to MSNGroups 
Free Forum Hosting
 
Important Announcement Important Announcement
The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More
Great Friends - Good TimesContains "mature" content, but not necessarily adult.[email protected] 
  
What's New
  
  Welcome  
  Rules  
  Bandwidth Theft  
  Member's Quilt  
  In Memory Of LouLouBell  
  NOELEEN'S OFFICE **NEW**  
  Daily Trivia  
  Message Boards  
  
  General  
  
  Newcomers  
  
  ~ * OTD * ~  
  
  Fun For All  
  
  Help And Advice  
  
  A Good Vent  
  
  The Book Club  
  
  The TV Lounge  
  
  Feeling Great!  
  
  SMUTTY BOARD  
  
  Post Box's  
  
  Computer Help  
  
  In The News  
  Chat Abbreviations  
  Recipes To Share  
  In Remembrance  
  Calendar Dates  
  Posting Pictures  
  Pictures  
    
  What did you do at school today?  
  
  
  Tools  
 
Help And Advice : Difficult situation.
Choose another message board		  
     
Reply
 Message 1 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAngelineRose  (Original Message)Sent: 7/18/2004 5:48 AM
Ok .....i'm doing this cos i just need to get this out somewhere!
Maybe typing it out and seeing it in writing will help me in some way .....and maybe some of you may have some suggestions or thoughts that i hadn't?!
Here goes then.
I'm thinking of leaving my hubby.
I have 2 children with him.....Lauren who is 5 and Ethan 2.
The house we are in is in my name.....and as far as i'm aware he would be entitled to 40% of things ...this i have no problem with....he has over time put in just as much as me and i don't want to be unfair with him.....it's just that i don't love him anymore.
I told him that this week.....as he was looking miserable and told me he felt neglected and unloved.....he complained that i don't tell him that i love him anymore..and that i turn my cheek to him when he goes to kiss me. So we had a talk........we have had these talks every 12 months for the last 3 years....normally where i ask him if he is happy.....tell him i'm not and he promises to try.
Don't get me wrong he is'nt a bad bloke.....he does all the housework and cares for the kids the majority of the time....but in saying that i'm the major earner and work more hours.
My feelings changed for him while i was pregnant with Ethan and they have never really recovered.........he ignored me and the pregnancy. Since having the kids i have seen a different side to him i never thought i would see.....shouting and at times being so different to the person i fell in love with. He doesn't seem to enjoy the kids and spends alot of his time sat at the pc in the day or staring at the tv. He seems to have lost all fun in life. He has few friends away from the internet.....and just seems to have got himself in a bubble.
On top of this since me nearly ending it 18 months ago ..his parents and family do not speak to me much......they have never been supportive since Ethan was born and i resent that he hasn't supported me with his family enough.....(they treat his word as gospel....so if he had explained PND better i'm sure things would of been different!) The relationship he has with my parents is strained,he can not cope with the little he knows about my past....and while i have been having all my counselling i have not been able to turn to him for support as i should be able to.
I have told him all of this and more......i don't expect living with someone with depression for nearly 3 years has been much fun for him either! and i have given him the option to leave, but he says he doesn't want to.
What really is the clincher here is that i have met someone else who i have fallen in love with. He is a friend and has met the kids and they really like him......he loves me too and is willing to take me and my problems and the kids all on board.
I don't want to hurt my hubby anymore than i need to.....i know he will be upset when i tell him i don't want to be married anymore.......right now he knows i don't love him and don't want sex.....i also said i didn't see a future for us.....but yet even now he is trying to plan for the future.
It's not fair on him to string him along .....and once i have really worked out the practical side of childcare and stuff i will tell him.....but how do i do it kindly?
If you got this far and want to ask anything then do........I know how i feel it's just how and when i do it that is the thing.


First  Previous  5-19 of 19  Next  Last 
Reply
 Message 5 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAnneyMarieSent: 7/18/2004 11:11 AM
(((((((((((((((( Ang )))))))))))))))))))))

I spent a few years with the same dillemma, I couldn't get it out my head for even a few minutes, the question nagged me senseless. I read a book then called 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' which kinda said to me that all decisions are good decisions, because you take power by actually making a decision. Things won't go horribly wrong or beautifully right either way, but will be a mixture of both, as they always have been. I hope this makes sense, good luck.

xxx

Reply
 Message 6 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamemummycoolSent: 7/18/2004 1:52 PM
Ang I'm so sorry things have gone so wrong for you both.
I think its all been said really, the desision has to be yours alone, and I do think you've already made it. If you are sure of this new relationship then you must put yourself first and make a new life for you and your children.
No one can ever say you haven't tried to make your marriage work, and so now is the time for you to move on and start enjoying your life once again.
I'm afraid I have no advice on how to tell your hubby, that will have to come soley from you, but I wish you all the best in doing so, and in making your new life a happy one.
Thinking of you hun. xx

Reply
 Message 7 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBigMama�?/nobr>Sent: 7/18/2004 2:43 PM
Oh Ang...big hugs to you hun!! No advice here either mate, just know that you have to do what you feel is best for you and your kiddies. You have to be happy with your life, you only live it once. Good luck with whatever you choose, keep us posted. We are always here for support. The only thing I can say is......you loved him once...if you tell him its truly over........I would do it with as much kindness and sensitivity as you can.

Reply
 Message 8 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAngelineRoseSent: 7/18/2004 7:23 PM
Thanks for all your kind words.
It's one of the most difficult things i have ever thought to have to do..........if he had been a terrible bloke i think it would be easier!
He did a typical one before....told me he had a test on in the morning....and noone to look after ethan......I'm working again tonight......so luckily my best mate will have him for me so i can sleep.....i'm on a run of nights till thurs morn.
In one way it seems that what i said on weds to hubby hasn't sunk in....and yet in another way it has.....he isn't trying to kiss me now.........and i got up to him washing the walls on the stairs!
I need to be stronger yet i think before i can finally tell him.
Oh what a mess!

Reply
 Message 9 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameghaensSent: 7/18/2004 7:49 PM
Good luck Ang... I hope whatever decision you make is the right one for everyone, you, hubby and kiddies.

Reply
 Message 10 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname©Greylady®Sent: 7/19/2004 8:54 AM
My heart goes out to you Ang  & extra big ((((hugs))))
 
How are you feeling today?
 
Rosemary x

Reply
 Message 11 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLINN1ESent: 7/19/2004 9:50 AM
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Ang, there's not much I can say except do whatever makes you happy, especially with the councelling, it won't help you feel better if your unhappy at home, also if/when you decide to end your marriage, give yourself and the kids time before committing to another relationship. Good luck hun, in whatever you decide, and take care.
Love and hugs to you and the kids.
Linnie xxxxxx

Reply
 Message 12 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname©jen©Sent: 7/19/2004 10:53 AM
(((Ang)))
There isnt any advice I can give you really.All I can do is offer my support.
It does seem like you have made your decision and I wish you all the best and most of all Be Happy
xxx

Reply
 Message 13 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameConvictedDaydreamer11Sent: 7/19/2004 11:55 AM
Oh Ang I'm thinking of you  sorry I have no nuggets of wisdon, but
I know what your going through stirs up a lot of emotions, that can be
difficult to get straight in your head  whatever you decide we're all
here for you, to listen, never judge and offer support
 
Love... Day

Reply
 Message 14 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname§harang©Sent: 7/19/2004 12:27 PM
Oh Ang, I thought things had improved hun.   I remember you going through the same last year.  I'm sooooo sorry mate, I really am.  No advice from me, just a huge pair of shoulders and a ready ear.  Huge hugs to you mate.

Reply
 Message 15 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAngelineRoseSent: 7/19/2004 5:52 PM
Hi.......yesterday Lauren came back from staying at his parents....she tends to go every fortnight to stay over a night....and b4 you ask ..no they have never had ethan yet!
Anyway they kept her a 2nd night and it seems they all did a day out to tatton park.....the sad thing is hubby wasn't told or invited to take ethan along......i don't know if it was cos they didn't know i was working (so i wouldn't have been there) but i asked him this morning and he just said .....well maybe they didn't want a misery with them!
As well as that lauren came home with a really sunburnt face.......all swollen round her eyes.....ffs! do they not know what suncream is!
I appreciate you all being here for me to let this out to and thanks.
Sharon I hoped it would get better and i really tried.......but no feelings have come back.....and now i have to be the bitch and tell him straight at some point cos it's not really sinking in.
Tonight he asked if i had any plans for thurs........cos he wants to sit and discuss finances ......this because i ended up having to tell him about my overdraft when i got my endowment money cos he was making plans with it.

Reply
 Message 16 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAngelineRoseSent: 7/19/2004 6:19 PM
I just realised that i haven't answered the jumping from one to another bit.
Yes ideally i would have a bit of breathing space.....but i can't because of childcare. I can't manage without working and i need someone to have them both while i work and ethan as he is only just starting nursery in sept. Tax credit would be no help as i owe them for earning too much last year.
So it's not really an option.

Reply
 Message 17 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameConvictedDaydreamer11Sent: 7/27/2004 4:37 PM
How's things now Ang, I've been thinking about you

Reply
 Message 18 of 19 in Discussion 
From: monkeychopsSent: 8/3/2004 3:03 PM
hi angelinerose
 
my name is kate and i am very new to your club but as the others have said it can only be your decision but PLEASE look before you leap
 
i was in a very simular situation 2 years ago with my hubby and the spark had gone i told him i didn't love him i hurt him deeply i wanted either myself to move out or him so i couldn't see how much it hurt i filed for a divorce etc etc all the things that go with a failed marriage and like your self i loved someone else well at least i thought i did
the butterflies in the tummy was a fantastic feeling he loved the kids etc etc
then i got home one day and thought WHAT AM I DOING i had a man that dispite all the hurt i gave him still loved me very much so we took time out for us a weekend away had breaks in this country with the kids i started to get little inexpensive gifts such as a bunch of flowers from the coop or a scratch card we started to laugh again and talked about what made each of us mad and how we got to that point
thankfully 18 months later i love my husband and our family has taken a compleate turn around for the better and our relationship is getting to where it was before the children came along
i am not trying to say ange that it will all come out in the wash because it may not but please think before you leap and be sure there is no saving of the heart before there is no going back
i very nearly lost it all i would hate to think that you were going to do that also
big hugs to you and chin up
 
best wishes kate

Reply
 Message 19 of 19 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBrownykitty1Sent: 8/13/2004 8:58 PM
((((((((((((((((ang))))))))))))))))
I am in the same situation but different, we have been married 15 years and not very many happy years...I stayed because of the kids, thne got ballsie and tired to make arrangements to move out, my kids begged me not to take them away and have to leave their home, my husband sure wasn't going to move, then i had a heart attack, fllowed by other physical heart probs, i lost my job too stressful and now i  have no choice to stay and just settle with my life..if you can you choose happiness, it isn't the way to go to stay if you can leave, you deserve happiness, do it for yourself and your kids, loree:)

First  Previous  5-19 of 19  Next  Last 
Return to Help And Advice