I haven't posted here before but have really enjoyed reading all the poetry. I am only 2 days into my methadone treatment (second time around) and still feeling ill but not as ill as I did less than 10 days ago. My addiction is like a Soul Sickness for me, leaving me feeling alone, empty and lost. I am so happy I am on the road back to normality. This is how I felt without the Methadone:

18 September 2003

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I am consumed by the beast. Yet once again I have let the serpent run through my veins at will. Oh, how I love him and his dance he does on my soul. He motivates my weakness to become an empire of strength.

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Will I ever be free?

Do I want to be free?

Do I even remember what freedom felt like?

Without the beast consuming my soul?

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I smell like death. I emanate foulness�?and rank instability.

Yesterday I lay in bed falling in and out of sleep. Madness creeping up on me; surrounding me, seducing me, embracing me �?caressing my weak heart.

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NO I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANYONE!!

GO AWAY!!

BE GONE FROM MY DOOR �?ALL OF YOU!!

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I can barely stand to look at my dogs �?who stare back at me. The only friends I have. The only ones who DO NOT judge me for what I am returning to. I am so weak. Do I really hate myself this much?

Now I am faced with money. It will be in my hand within the hour.

Should I go �?or should I stay?

Will I go �?or will I stay?

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BE STRONG

F*** OFF YOU BEAST

FROM HELL

GIVE ME BACK MY

SOUL

NOW!!

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