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| I wrote this about two years after my first daughter Lauren died, i havent shown it to alot of people, she was 3 months old when she died and shed of been 9yrs old in this coming february, having lost Lauren and my mum the previous year when i was only 16, people wondered why i turned to drugs, its not an excuse but it made the pain bearable, ive come along way since then, but losing both of them and in such a short space of time is a big part of the reason i became a heroin addict, im not over losing my mum Mary or Lauren but ive learnt to deal with the pain differently and ive got my 3 year old Ashleigh to think off, and i know my mum wouldnt of wanted me to wreck Ash's life just because i'd lost her and Lauren and couldnt deal with the pain.... I believe things happen for a reason, we go through what we go through to shape us as people and i wouldnt be the person who i am today without experiencing these losses, i am a happy person now adays most of the time, and i feel ive definatley been given a second chance. |
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hi kate, john here, can't get to read the poem! must have been written on different format to the xp im using could you please write it in as a disscussion. i really want to read it. touched by your post! keep up the good work!! staying clean is all i have left, ruined everyones life i came into contact with and was completely uncontrollable, begining to find that if i dont ruin my life the chances are i wont ruin anyone else (HOW IRONIC), as i was only intent on ruining one life, now thats the one i have to cherish to stop everyone else being affected. please repost the poem, it has taken an enormous show of strenght from you to post it in the first place and i appreciate that, hope you and Ashleigh had a wonderful xmas together and are looking forward to the new year ahead, im going to Glasgow on saturday going home, second time in the one year could be becoming habitual!!! going home my biggest fear has now become my biggest joy (im still scared). but i no longer run and hide from my feeling like i always did, Face Everything And Recover, i was told and i'am doing that to the best of my ability, thanks kate take care of yourself and your Ashleigh love and best wishes for the new year John |
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Katie, Can you try posting your poem again, Some how it didnt get posted or I didnt see it. Im so sorry to hear about your little Lauren and Your Mom. I know how hard it has been on you. I dont blame you for turning to drugs either. People do all kinds of things when they have to deal with grief. Believe me, I have done alot of destructive crap myself. The most important thing now is what you do with your pain and your grief. I know you know that, you wouldnt be posting here and trying to help others if your didnt. We have 2 choices when life throw us shit, either clean it up, and make it the best possible or live in shit, lol........ I admire you immensly, Im just so sorry you had to lose your little girl, NO MOM should ever have to live with that. If there is anything i can do, anytime, or if you just want to talk about her, email me, ok???? anytime. Love and Hugs Karen |
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Hey guys
Just a quick message as its late, Joanne thanks for writing it up for me again.. much appreciated and im glad u liked it... Karen, u talk so much sense.. i wish i had u around as a surrogate mum lol...John, have a great time in glasgow.. does that mean if yr ma is there that u are from scotland originally? And ye me n Ash had a great xmas thanku 4 asking... ive gotta go people..absolutley shattered, my bed is callin my name.. nite all...
Kate xxx |
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yes kate im a wegie (Glaswegian), dont go home so often. getting better at it. getting a little better at a lot of things (life). live in the north west of engerland now, 5 months clean now, doing better than i could ever have imagined. I was always good at running, sometimes just in my head but mostly my feet went to. How things change, im so glad you had a great xmas with ashleigh, i posted a response to your poem uner your second post of it, still thinking about it touched i have been by your memories of Lauren thank you best wishes john |
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Kate, Loved the poem about Lauren. It was beautiful. I never sat down and wrote a poem for Gino, maybe I should. It can be healing writing about Lauren dont you think????? Im so happy you are able to live with this pain and become a better person for it. Its a hard act to follow, You should be so proud of yourself. Love Karen |
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John,
You know what is weird about people using
drugs???
They always think they are not hurting anyone else but
themselves.
That's a myth.
When someone uses drugs it effects everyone that they know
and everyone that loves them.
I love your statement, When I quit ruining my life ,
I quit ruining everyone else's.
Your so right, and Yes, so ironic, lol..
Much Love to you, Karen
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, December 28, 2005 11:00
AM
Subject: Re: A poem i wrote for my first
daughter - TAKEN
A poem i
wrote for my first daughter - TAKEN
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| From: Green2thecore1 |
hi
kate, john here, can't get to read the poem! must have been
written on different format to the xp im using could you please
write it in as a disscussion. i really want to read it. touched
by your post! keep up the good work!! staying clean is all
i have left, ruined everyones life i came into contact with and
was completely uncontrollable, begining to find that if i dont
ruin my life the chances are i wont ruin anyone else (HOW
IRONIC), as i was only intent on ruining one life, now thats the
one i have to cherish to stop everyone else being affected.
please repost the poem, it has taken an enormous show of
strenght from you to post it in the first place and i appreciate
that, hope you and Ashleigh had a wonderful xmas together and
are looking forward to the new year ahead, im going to Glasgow
on saturday going home, second time in the one year could be
becoming habitual!!! going home my biggest fear has now become
my biggest joy (im still scared). but i no longer run and hide
from my feeling like i always did, Face Everything
And Recover, i was told and i'am doing that to the
best of my ability, thanks kate take care of yourself and
your Ashleigh love and best wishes for the new year
John | |
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