You are so right. I know that as much as I don't like to admit it, I am in alot of pain...mentally as well as physically. I'm angry at the world for letting me be this way. I'm mad because this disease robbed me of my childhood, it forced me to have to grow up too fast, to accept that life wasn't fair when I was only nine. It took away friends who just couldn't understand what was happening to me. It made me give up skating. It's made me have to pretend I'm stronger than I am because I'm afraid to show people how I really feel. It's put stress on my family, possibly the reason for my dads abusive behavior. It's stopped me from being a normal teenager. I can't go to parties, when my friends rough house and act crazy I have to just watch from a distance, when the all squish together on the couch and I have to sit there and worry about getting bumped, when at the end of prom I couldn't even walk, it just makes me grieve because it just seems so unfair. Sometimes I think I need something to help me walk, because I feel like my legs can give out on me at any moment, my endurance seems to be running out, but I'm afraid to go to school with a cane. Those times I had to use a wheelchair at school were so humiliating for me. The times my friends had to let me lean on them because I was in so much pain...the weird looks, people telling me to go home or see a doctor when I knew that this is just how my life is. And now I'm grieving something else, as I have gastroparesis. I'm grieving my ability to eat whatever I want, to feel hungry, to not feel sick to my stomach. If you dwell on it though, your life will be miserable...even more so. I don't care as much anymore. I started wearing my braces when I needed them, and even my tens unit to school. Sure people asked questions or gave odd looks, but who cares. I use it as a chance to make one less person in this world ignorant to our sufferings. I like taking long baths when I can tolerate them, reading in the bath tub...such a heavenly thing. I like getting gentle hugs from my friends, I like feeling close to people. Some people get so scared they'll hurt me that they just stay away from me completely, but I still desire hugs, cuddles, those comforting gestures. My friends are getting better. They are starting to give me gentle hugs, and sometimes my friend will just real lightly give me tickles...well I don't know what you call it but it just helps me to feel more normal. I'm not half as bad as some people, but I am in pain. I just am soo dang stubborn it gets on everyone's nerves because I wont admit when I need help, I wont let people see my pain. I'll walk a mile if that's what it takes to seem the same as everyone else. So sometimes people assume I'm fine, but they can't feel the searing pain I'm fighting with each step, and they don't hear my cries when I'm alone in my room at night. I'm getting better at letting people help though, and accepting this life.