As we walk along our paths, we are tested many times...The great Spirit does this to teach us life's lessons.
Yes family is very important but...you say that this would be the worst time to start a family...I don't know the details but I have to say that you have to look beyond what you personally want and look to see if this would be right for the baby that you bring into this world...A child is a wonderful thing in one's life but not a cure-all to whatever ails us at this time...You are still searching for yourself...I have to ask is this a good thing to have a child when you don't even understand yourself?
You have stated that you are looking for the child inside yourself....I feel that until you find that innerchild you so desperately need...that it would not be fair to the young life you would bring forward....
I do not claim to know all answers as I am a child of Tawara walking through this life learning all the time....but as an Elder I feel I must speak these words to you...Food for thought, you might say....Yes, listen to your heart....but also listen to your mind....You will make the right choice for you when you do this...If it is meant to be you will have your child now...if you see that waiting might be best for all...then that will be the path you need to take.
Whatever you decide may the Great Spirit always walk beside you and guide you young sister.
Blessings and may you always walk in peace....