A man takes his Rottweiler to the veterinarian and says, "My dog is going
cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do to help him?"
"Well," replies the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks up the dog
and checks its eyes.
After a quick exam, the vet turns to the owner and says, "I'm afraid I'm
going to have to put him down."
"Why? Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No," says the vet. "It's just that he's really heavy."
There was a lady sitting on a bench when an
old man came over to sit down. He moved over
to her side and said "Do you believe in the hereafter?"
and she said "Yes" Then he replied, "Then you
know what i'm hereafter."
Three engineers were in the bathroom standing
at the urinals. The first engineer finished and
walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He
then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully.
He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured
that every single spot of water on his hands
was dried. Turning to the other two engineers,
he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained
to be extremely thorough."
The second engineer finished his task at the
urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He
used a single paper towel and made sure that
he dried his hands using every available portion
of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin,
not only are we trained to be extremely thorough,
but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third engineer finished and walked straight
for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At
Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the
bar tender here?"
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