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Everyone sighed with relief ....... not that they doubted Phil's ability to produce a life-saving vessel (nooooooo !!), more that a fast jet seemed a better option .... having heard vague rumours of cannibalistic tendencies by certain cast members ... no names, no pack drill hehe.

Anyway ...... a ladder appeared from beneath the Harrier ..... (courtesy of B & Q, rival contractors to QB enterprises grrrrrrr) but ... this is not the time to be picky (no allusion to Phil's nose, btw). "All aboard the jet, imbeciles and animals first", shouted Tiger above the roar of the jet engines, and so it was.

As they sailed up into that grey yonder, they all looked up (showing off, Tiger had decided to do a victory roll, but lost the manual for righting the plane after - "Oi, that's not till my next flying lesson anyway", said Tiger) to see the boat sinking fast .... nay scuttling. They all wondered if it might have been safer to go down with the ship.

At this point, it was decided, by unanimous vote, to set course for America, by the longest route possible, in order to postpone an upside-down landing ....... radio-ing on ahead to Capps for emergency landing gear, in the form of a gigantic muffin (recipe generously donated by Missy). They all then settled up in their seats and safety harness to enjoy the ride for as long as it seemed safe.

Suddenly, from over the horizon loomed .........................

"Don't panic" interrupted Tiger, "I radioed for a refuelling plane to meet us here, been running on vapour for the last 45 minutes!�?/SPAN>

“Two fings I fink I should point out tho�?

“Firstly I’ve never refuelled the right way up, let alone upside down before.

Secondly Kav said I gotta have this thing back on the ATC Forecourt before the Friday evening meeting�?/SPAN>

“Oh! He mentioned something else about this plane too, didn’t quite catch it all coz of the noise, but I heard something about AIRWORTHY while kav was shaking his head!

Tiger became very quiet as he linked with the refuelling plane and shouted in the radio (Actually a walky talky supplied by the sponsors of this section of the story, A. Daley Electricks UnLtd) “FILL ‘ER UP�?/SPAN>

Just as the refuelling plane started to move away a loud thud was heard, like something landing on the top (Underside) of the Plane. “Anyone any good at wing walking,�?said Tiger. “Only they said they had a spare copy of the aircraft manual I could borrow�?/SPAN>

Everyone stopped talking and gasped. And then…�?

To be wassanamed�?.

AT this point jimbob was pushed to the open door which was open last person in for got shut grrrrr ooops (it was me) I cant go out there with no aids shouted jimbob A rope A rope he shouted.

All aboard started undressing and throwing various bits of underwear at jim (our hero) to tie in a line (it was noticed that leafy had very little to contribute) he

started towards the door,,,,,,,

SPECIAL ANNOUCEMENT.

In view of the fact that Jimbob is covered in underwear (yet again!) his further participation in this story will be delayed until sufficient time has elapsed to allow his heart rate to return to something like it's correct level. This may well occur when he comes out of his fantasy...

Having regained his senses, or what pass for senses in this thrill a minute fantasy, Jimbob gathers the underwear together and is immediately assailed by an aroma reminiscent of an unemptied Port-a-loo at the end of a four day Rock Festival. Deciding to reliquish his sense of smell and sense of reality our hero (Well he's my hero anyway, so there!) resists the urge to wash, iron, fold and place the underwear neatly in the Harrier's airing cupboard and rushes to the front room where he retrieves his sewing kit stored nicely in an old Danish All Butter Cookie tin (and very nice they were too thanks). He then proceeds to extract all the elastic from the underwear and using a neat running stitch learned at his mummy's knees, when she was sewing up his mouth to stop him crying and eating, fashions a parachute (ta da). Resisting all attempts to stop him Jimbob steps out of the Harrier onto the garden path and strolls to the rear of the stricken aircraft. He admires the flora and fauna in the garden and stops briefly at the garden shed where he extracts a deck chair, sits and enjoys what could be his last rollie. (Before you lot complain about airing cupboards, front rooms, garden paths, sheds etc in a Harrier, this is my part of the fantasy and I've read enough Spike Milligan to know what is and isn't possible, so there! Ya boo sucks to you!) Throwing away his dog end Jimbob proceeds to tie the improvised parachute to the rear of the Harrier carefully avoided burns on his posterior from the jet exhaust. "OK," he shouts "you can run out of fuel now, I'm leaving this story for a while to think about underwear again"

at which point he steps off into the great blue yonder ......oh sh-------------tcomes plaintively out of the ether folled by a loud BOING...........as he returns rapidly back to the plane (well he did use elastic ha ha ) he shouts out whats the name of that indian , upon which we all shout geronimo upon which he rebounds back again as you can understand as this is elastic this happens 1006 times before the elastic snaps at which he floats gently down using leafys bra as a parachute when ......

an anti-cyclone, caused by the passage of a plane carrying Hilli and Mr H back to Nebraska, causes Jim's parachute to hitch a ride (there, that's the problem with including flight brand names like Boing in the storyboard hehe) on their tailfin. Hilli immediately radios a distress signal to Tobler, via the Boing's pilot, Sluffer (aka Agassi - he's taking time off from Virgin, having a busman's holiday .. well .. you didn't think he was a real pilot, did ya ?).

Anyway .. Tobler, brandishing his IV needle in an authoritative manner, says "You can't land in NYC with a Jim on your tailplane ... what do you think this is ... a roller coaster ??? jimbob's on the starboard bow .. (oh, um been there before I think and inaccurate anyway cos he's on the back fin) ..... divert immediately to California .. where flight controller Capps has almost got the muffin ready for the harrier".

So here we have it .... a Boing, driven by a busman and a Harrier with a Tiger at the helm .. all we need now is an engine driver ...... and here comes Heartstopper ... flying down the tracks .... "um where's the train ?" they all cry .... "following on" says Heart. At this point it's thought prudent to land the Boing on top of the train's flat deck, leaving the muffin ready for the Harrier .......

California here we come .. right back where we started from

hmmmm artistic licence here ....

Just then ..... our intrepid gang appear out of the skies in the Harrier ..... heading straight for the giant muffin .. when Capps lets out an unearthly scream .........

She realized that the gigantic muffin she was cooking for the harriert to land on was so good, that she started eating the eadges of it. Of course, because it is a choccy muffin, she couldn't resist.........alas she ate half of it!!! Now what would she do? No time to bake another muffin...........then just out of the corner of her eye, she spotted.........

.....Badger (the hero of the day - at off-peak periods only, subject to contract terms, minimum period applies) unfurled a raffia tablemat (fromsponsors Raffia 4 U) that was conveniently the same size as a small airstrip, and amazingly had little blinking lights on it too.....(I'd write more but this raffia tablemat-and-keyboard all-in-one is uncomfortable on me paws....)......

'Soap on a rope', Capps eyes wearily blinked as if waking frum a dream, she cude feel de warm suds caress her(oh err, gettin steamy-soz!) firm fit body(so she told me!) the heat roused her!(woolly wombat?)..........wots diss....was it all a dream..is she destined to wake up in de shower..is diss an originul storyline........id diss in norfolk ?...

"It may have been a firm fit body before stuffing that muffin - not so sure now!", remarked someone who shall remain nameless in order to preserve life and limb. And umm the soap on a rope was, in all reality (and that's a joke here eh ?), a ladder hanging down from the cockpit of the harrier, still upside down and having arrived above Capps' shower.

Without further ado, or even adon't, Capps grabbed her bathrobe in one hand, the ladder in the other and was hoisted aloft, whereupon they all turned for the rafia landing strip with its little blinking lights, while the Boing, patiently awaiting the arrival of the star-studded crew of the harrier (well, we hit a few comets on the way over ~ Tiger wasn't being too conscientious in reading the altimeter thingy), rumbled in appreciation at the jet's arrival.

By careful placement of Capps' bathrobe ~ she herself was covered in modesty and a choccy cosmos so she didn't need it ~ the harrier finally settled down safely on terra-not-so-firma. Jimbob, Hilli and the rest attacked the underside of the harrier with tinopeners, rescuing the flight crew .... hurray hurray !! Everyone hugged, as ya do when ya meet up, and repaired to a pub while others (stage extras) repaired the jet, rolled it over right way up ...... and repaired it all over again.

At this point, everyone started looking herioc/worried/wossname, depending on their characters ~ what would happen next ?

"We're a long way from Hemel Hempstead!" remarked someone from Herts, when .........

Jimbob wakes and wonders wot e's bin doin since 7th May. Has he bin in a coma , a comma. or sum other puntuation mark? He gets down his dictionary but its no help he's none the wiser, so he goes back to sleep agin.

...........Just then the phone on the wall started to ring, everyone looked round wondering who would be calling a public phone???, asheepdog, irritated by the ringing said "well, is someone gonna get that?" but before she could finish, in runs Compoet!!, followed avidly by a tall guy in a black cape, brandishing a banana!!!, (a vampyr)!!!, Compoet barely has time to say "sorry, the nebukednezza needs me", then promptly picks up the phone, and disappears infront of everyones eyes, just in time before the vampyr shoots his banana and narrowly misses!!!, splattering the wall severly!................................ what will the vampyr do next? will Compoet return??, who's round is it??? and will badger ever get his beloved pork scratchins????? ...................................................

To Be Continued.....................

...when badger - who had suddenly returned from a Rugby Union tour with Northampton Saints, and doing good deeds such as Punctuation In Need, Blind Dogs for the Guides, Acorn Collecting for Scouts...*Cut by editor*..said to someone or another whom is in this:

'This is just like Alice Through The Looking Glass'

'Well we've run, flown, driven, sailed and swam without moving anywhere, nor any further forward at all'.

'Isn't that a cheap plot device stolen from Lewis Carroll?'

'Maybe - but it's better than waking up and realising it's all a dream. Anyway HERE is a really cheap plot device -' and at that moment badger revealed to the ensembled crowd (whom were a disorganised string ensemble that had became a crowd...) a very large -

though handsome kiwi,whom im sure you all know is a flightless, nocturnal bird, with a large beak, and thus would seem an appropriate addition to the wearry group,

who, with her large,though useful, feet, runs madly around in circles,(an art she has perfected over the years) until a large trench forms around the group, allowing them to rest and gather their thoughts,which they do with haste, placing them into badgers little bag, for him to sort at his leisure, when suddenly, on the horizan sheepie spots...

can it be they wonder? Why yes.... they shout in unison........

Its ................

to be continued..............

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