Q. What do you call an Asian man who loves Karaoke?
A. Gerupte Singh!!
Q. What's the difference between a Skoda and a sheep??
A. It's less embarrassing being seen getting out of the back of a sheep!!
A Scotsman, an Englishman, a hot blonde and a fat chick get on the subway.
They go into a tunnel and the lights go out, and suddenly they all hear a loud slap.
When the lights come on, the Englishman has a big red handprint on his face.
The blonde thinks: "Oh, the Englishman must have made a move for me,
but fondled that fat woman by mistake and she slapped him".
The fat woman thinks: "Hmm, that Englishman tried to put the moves on that blonde
and got slapped. Good for her."
The Englishman thinks: "Hey, that Scotsman must have went for the blonde,
and she slapped me by mistake!"
The Scotsman thinks: "Boy, I hope we go through another tunnel,
so I can wallop that English fecker again".
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A bloke turns up at the A&E complaining of a sore arse but will only be specific
about his injury with a doctor. He won't sit down in the waiting room and looks
very sheepish and embarrassed.
Once inside the cubicle the doc asks him how he can help.......the guy tells him:
Its a bit embarrassing really doctor, Ive been shagged up the Arse by an elephant....
Blimey sounds painful......I better have a look
Blokes drops his pants and bends over........his arsehole is the size of a dustbin lid
and looks a right state........
Doctor asks How exactly did this happen?.........
Bloke replies.....well doctor I was at the zoo with the wife and kids and
I got caught short...........the queue for the bogs was massive
and I was desperate..........I saw that the elephant enclosure was empty and
jumped over the fence and crouched behind a bush to have a dump.......
before I knew it this big bull elephant was all over me.....
Doctor looks puzzled.........as hole looks too big and he doesn't buy the blokes story.
Are you sure you've told me everything .........
even with my basic knowledge of animal anatomy
I doubt that an elephant could have done this much damage!
The guy blushes badly and looks massively embarrassed...........
Well doctor.............he did finger me first!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
5 men in a police line-up, suspect wanted for rape....
victim walks in and the Irish man steps forward and shouts "Thats her" !
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a cheque.
She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.
She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake,
she says, "Well that's great......just great.....Some asshole's got my pen."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh,that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the Street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?"
Her mother told her, "God sent you." "Did God send you, too?" asked the
child. "Yes, Dear," the mother replied. "What about Grandma and Grandpa?"
the child persisted. "He sent them also," the mother said. "Did he send
their parents, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother
patiently. "So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family
for 200 years! No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here".
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