Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the >words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials >       Of a few people who did.... > >        I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and >asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I >turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say >a word... he knew better. > >       ===== > >        I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I >was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for >several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who >works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked >at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." > >       ===== > >        My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a >variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy >behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just >looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy >grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has >never let me forget. > >       ===== > >        While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to >release some pent-up energy and ran amok I was finally able to grab hold of >her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I >told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be >punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as >threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I w ill tell Grandma that I >saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after >this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I >mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my >daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were >screams of laughter. > >       ===== > > >       Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My >three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on >him constantly. > >        One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. >It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled >something funny. So, of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and >she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny had not asked to got potty in a >while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept >thinking, " Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don't have a >change of clothes for him." Then I said, "Danny are you SURE you didn't have >an accident?" "NO," he replied. I just KNEW he must have had an accident, >because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, >"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his >pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST >FARTS!!"  While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He >calmly pulled up his pants and sat down An old couple made m e feel better >by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! > >       ===== > >       This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very >embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before >she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true >story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to >have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's >that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the >set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!