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Wit, Sarcasam and Artistic MusingsContains "mature" content, but not necessarily adult.[email protected] 
  
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Creative Writing : The Sea...
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 Message 1 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameslowlaneromance2  (Original Message)Sent: 4/13/2008 7:07 PM

The Sea

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Ever changing, ever moving,
Waters under the pull of a distant body.
Ever calming, ever soothing,
Maurarders of ever distant booty.
 
Try to tame lust for gold and nature,
Explore the Pirate in yourself and try to win.
The lust for treasure wans, what remains is rapture.
At six or seven fathoms you realize your sins.
 
A noble ship you believe you sail,
How you conduct your business tells the tail.
Treat honestly with all you trade,
and of the evil of the heart never be afraid.
 
Ever changing, ever moving,
Waters under the pull of a distant body.
Ever calming, ever soothing,
Maurarders of ever distant booty.
 
Too tired tonight to expand on this.
The morning sun always has first rights.
So to my bed I go... To give my pillow a watery kiss.
Before I find a waterfront bar and end a few fights.
 
Slow
rlm '07
(just wrote it here and now... needs work... but I shared... naked to the storm)


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Reply
 Message 2 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamedensew-otheiSent: 4/14/2008 1:16 AM
aloha slow!!! (long time no...)
 
i like this, but had much too much trouble reading the text over the sea.
if you darken it or make that part white... i could see it as a whole and will comment on your lines, etc. 
 
i just reread it again and highlighted the whole thing...
please finish this... it's captivating! 
 though your silly sleepless scribbles gave smile to my face!
mahalo, Dee

Reply
 Message 3 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBranchyPeteSent: 4/14/2008 7:00 AM
Yes, I look forward to reading more of this too.  
 
So to my bed I go... To give my pillow a watery kiss.
Before I find a waterfront bar and end a few fights
 
sounds like your dreams might inspire more lines!

Reply
 Message 4 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameJodie_3Sent: 4/30/2008 10:46 PM
yeh get it down before the inspiration crashes and fizzles-  like the waves on the shore.  I really liked this one 

Reply
 Message 5 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamegreyingredSent: 5/4/2008 12:29 PM
you gunna hate me for this. Spelling dear sir, spelling so marauders.....tale not tail. and the end line about the pillow is lovely but you cannot go to sleep BEFOREyou go out on the piss, so to speak...it doesn't make sense. However the repetitive rhythm works well. And would someone please say hello to me cos I been away for ages. Have missed the conversations and critiques. Take care all. Bec...Greyingred...and now brown cos Can't be bothered to keep trying to find the henna colour I like.

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