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Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and
who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM...

Nice one, Maria - and, if I may, I'd like to add my list;

Please, please, pretty please can you grant me my Christmas wishes? I've been a very good girl all year. I've managed to keep my stress levels down, my temper under control - even when the little monsters were drawing all over the walls (I had a wonderful wrestling match whist trying to take the crayons away from them). As for Christmas - just don't mention that word! The mere mention of the word "Christmas" sends them into a frenzy of unparalleled dimensions! But, through it all, I've kept my cool. So please could you reward my time and patience by granting me the following wishes;

1. Please could you send me a robotic childminder with an authoritarian voice that booms out things like "NO DRAWING ON THE WALLS!", "CLEAN UP THAT MESS!" and my favourite, "NO MUDDY FOOTBALLS IN THE HOUSE!"?

2. A fairy godmother would be nice, preferably one who'll prepare dinner, plump up my cushions and give me a soothing massage after a hard day at work.

3. Something that doesn't involve having my tastebuds surgically removed (or something like that) to stop me from eating/drinking too much chocolate! I've already overdosed on it - and Christmas is still a week away!

4. Last, but not least, I'd like a brand new pair of arms. My old ones dropped off in the middle of the supermarket whilst doing the Christmas food shopping.

Poetess (who's writing this letter with her feet)

how wonderful Maria - very well done

I have been a good girl this year,

I really need some Christmas cheer.

Instead of "Let it snow," send rain,

so our lakes will fill up again.

I give my brother to you with prayer,

since mother died he isn't there.

No card, or call with joy and peace,

my tears need a great release.

I will not be alone that day,

I have Jesus and my cat to play.

Please bring toys to the pure in heart,

and let next year be a brand new start.

Important Announcement The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More
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