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Jason's Journal
Last Blast Bust
THE VERY FINAL ABSOLUTE LAST ENTRY!!!!! yippee skippeee!!!!!!! Today I gradeated...wait that doesn't look right....I
grad..joo-adted. That's it.
I got to wear a pretty blue dress and a fab hat. I wish I could remember what
happened at the ceremony but with all the damage my eight week drinking binge
did to my frontal lobes in Puerto Rico last spring I just ain't the
same......um......JASON! i used to be. what a year it has been. My
girlfriend got knocked up by that super hottie Shawn Brady. I got really mad.
Mainly because I was so jealous of Jan. Wait. no. I mean Shawn. Shawn I was
jealous of. Right. I tried to put the moves on his hottie ex Belle Black but
she sure didn't go for that. I think she might be one of those Lebanese girls.
I mean, come on. She didn't want ME????? Chloe's make-up just got thicker and
thicker until she looked like an oompa loompa in drag. I tried to console her
two suitors, Brady and Phillip with soft jazz and wine but they couldn't stop
talking about how much they hated each other. darn it. I really wanted to help
get their minds off of her...and onto FOOTBALL!!!!!
The Last Blast was lame because I had to go with Cynthia and not Shaw...JAN!
We tried to cause some fun with water balloons but Mimi and Kevin ruined it.
They were just jealous of how good we looked but I'll admit I did like Kevin's
hands on my backside as they pushed me and Cynthia into each other. Did I
actually write what I was just thinking? I meant, I liked getting pushed into
Cynthia. Mr. Woods, who was dressed like Peter Gabriel, ordered the kids to
mock us and then we were taken outside to be whipped. After the dance I think
all of the makeup Chloe was wearing made her collapse and she went to the
hospital. They said she has....looookeeeeemeeeeeuh(?) I think that is latin for
"overly made up".
Well, this is my last journal. This summer I plan to study really hard in
summer school. the principal says if I don't pass gym, home ec and health I
will have my pretty blue dress taken away. Then I am off to Columbia in
NYC!!!!! I hear Phillip is going there and I hope when he sees me we will be
the best of friends! But Shawn Brady might stay here in Salem. I would love to
be friends with him too. Did you ever have to make up your mind? I have to go
now. Thanks for being there to listen to my boy....girl troubles diary...I mean
journal! Salem High has been so awesome. Tormenting people with fake blood and
nude photos. I will miss Gigantor and Ghoul Girl and Shy Girl. I will miss the
good old days of hundreds of children chanting offensive slurs at other children
in front of indifferent adults. Ain't public education great? I will always
love you Brady I MEAN SALEM HIGH!! ALWAYS!!!! Now I'm off to go tell my parents
a big secret. Can you guess what it is?
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