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| | From:  RUSTY9120 (Original Message) | Sent: 2/9/2006 11:43 AM |
Sometimes , pow family members ,have suffered abuse , in the past (childhood or teens) one way , of coping with this is, to try to stand outsude yourself, be objective. For instance, perhaps the abuse was caused by a parent, if so, look at their lives, ask yourself, what sort of upbringing did they have? what were the social values of their childhood? was abused more accepted , in their childhood, ?what relationship did they have with their parents? This method , in no way excuses abusers, but may help you understand their motives better. Try to see the family unit as a sort of " central heating system" all interconected. Being detached, and thinking objectively , does often help, promise!! love rusty |
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COLLIE BELOVED , I CAN WELL UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATION, AS A PSCH, I NOW RESEARCH SHOWS ABUSERS ,ARE AMONG THE CLEVEREST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. THEY ARE SO GOOD AT CONVINCING OTHERS THE POLICE , NOW CALL THE WAY THEY APROACH VICTIMS AS ...GROOMING..... BUT THEIR VERY CLEVERNESS IS OFTEN THEIR UNSOING. IF IT HELPS ANY HERE IS A BIT OF OLD FASHIONED MORAL TALK. MY GRAN USED TO SAY " LEAVE VENGENCE TO GOD , HE MAY TAKE A LOT LONGER, BUT HE SERVES JUSTICE BETTER THAN ANYONE IN THE END" YOUR ABUSER, HAS TO LIVE WITH HIS LIES , BECAUSE HE SPOKE THEM, YOU CAN CHOOSE NOT TO , BECAUSE YOU DID NOT. BE LOVED MY DEAR, RUSTY |
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| | | From: Pipa | Sent: 2/10/2006 9:19 AM |
Oh Collie I do understand what you are saying and it is the frustration and the injustice and the fact that because you are not believed others will suffer......................I only know it from a less awful situation but I believe the principle is the same. The abuser is delusional at best physchotic at worst. If you are phychotic (I dont know how to spell it) then you feel no remorse if delusional you wont accept that you have done anything wrong. I believe most abusers to be both so they will refuse to accept responsibility for their actions to lessen the guilt. They can not see that they are doing anything wrong and you just have to watch them self-destruct because in the end they will - its the law of the universe!
My ex will not accept he has done anything wrong. He doesnt see that he enjoyed putting me through all the pain but he did. The mental torture, verbal abuse, betrayal and the fact he wanted to leave me devoid of any dignity and self-respect....................although he nearly succeeded in destroying me he didnt and you are the same .......................you are still there fighting and winning although it doesnt seem so sometimes. I think you are amazing and hope that the good times will help you through the bad. You are an inspiration you really are.
Take care and hope to hear from you soon. Lots of love Lynne
Lynne |
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| | | From: Pipa | Sent: 2/10/2006 9:19 AM |
Oh Collie I do understand what you are saying and it is the frustration and the injustice and the fact that because you are not believed others will suffer......................I only know it from a less awful situation but I believe the principle is the same. The abuser is delusional at best physchotic at worst. If you are phychotic (I dont know how to spell it) then you feel no remorse if delusional you wont accept that you have done anything wrong. I believe most abusers to be both so they will refuse to accept responsibility for their actions to lessen the guilt. They can not see that they are doing anything wrong and you just have to watch them self-destruct because in the end they will - its the law of the universe!
My ex will not accept he has done anything wrong. He doesnt see that he enjoyed putting me through all the pain but he did. The mental torture, verbal abuse, betrayal and the fact he wanted to leave me devoid of any dignity and self-respect....................although he nearly succeeded in destroying me he didnt and you are the same .......................you are still there fighting and winning although it doesnt seem so sometimes. I think you are amazing and hope that the good times will help you through the bad. You are an inspiration you really are.
Take care and hope to hear from you soon. Lots of love Lynne
Lynne |
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