| I had a nice time when i was a child, brought up in a beautiful village, with lots of activities going on, i had a nice best friend, and lots of friends in the village. The thing that our family had to deal with was my dad, who i was very close to, had a major stroke just before my 8th birthday, which put him into a coma, and he came out of it paralylsed down one side, and unable to speak properly. He worked hard on it, and now seems fairly normal. Although it is common for people with brain damage to be volatile, and we did see a lot of that growing up. My mum had to cope with being a carer for him, and her two young daughters, my sister being 6 then. I had some good relationships with boyfriends, and some not so good, but none were that bad. I fell pregnant at 24 after knowing John for only 2 weeks. He was difficult to deal with, and we split up, only to get back together and for me to fall pregnant again, before we split up again finally. All of this was an ordeal, because of not falling in love and having kids within a happy household, but it was manageable, and nothing like the type of thing i experienced when my life suddenly took a turn for the worse, when Robin became my partner. Even the bad vibes came through from him to me, when a friend was saying, i want to introduce you to him, something screamed to me, don't meet him, his dangerous. But the date was arranged, and i looked at my horoscope, and it said, you could meet your soul mate today, so i thought maybe its him. I didn't like the look of him, but my sister thought he was a bit of alright, so i thought maybe his ok. He was quite attentive with his texts and gave me a fair amount of attention, which i had craved, and i thought it was fairly romantic. He had some good skills, like building, computers and was creative, he was tall and had sparkly blue eyes. After a while i noticed that he was drinking a lot, i met more of his friends, who all looked like a bunch of alcoholics. He started jumping up and shouting out abuse for no reason, and i thought i could calm him down, or help him. I thought with my love and attention, he could be put on the straight and narrow, and he can get a job, and be everything i wanted. He found a job, but i realised that i had got it all wrong, when he woke up, and opened his can of Special Brew for breakfast before going off to drive to work. I think he only managed two days, before he kicked a wall so hard he broke his toes, and couldn't drive, he didn't bother going to a doctor or hospital, he just left them. And of course lost his job. There were lots of twisting of things i had said, to his friends, and his mum, so he would make out that i was derranged, and he was having to put up with a crazy person. He would eye up women infront of me, and then when i said something, make out that i was crazy. I lent him my bank card to nip to the co-op to then get some money for gas, and he took £200 and disappeared into the early hours of next morning. The day before he had taken £100 without telling me. His mum gave me the money back so i sort of brushed over that episode. I realised that he was smoking crack a couple of times a week. Which filled me with stress. He had a lot of friends that all did it, round his flat. He would start to pick an argument with me for no real reason, and punch the walls, smash glasses, throw food, break my necklaces, rip buttons off my coat, he burnt me with a cigarette, he would pin me up against the wall and strangle me, while shouting in my face for hours on end. I didn't want to be in the same room as him, with nobody else around, if i went to go to bed, he would come in, tip the mattress off the bed with me in it, then take to smashing up the door. I would run off in tears, back to mine. This is what i was doing for fun, on my night off from the kids, when they stayed at my mum and dads. He knew about karate, or something, and had told me about pressure points, and how if you punch someone in the temple 3 times they would die from it, and he did that to me too. The most unforgivable thing that he did, was to ruin my sons 5th birthday, by shouting in my face throughout the whole evening. I was regularly phoning the emergency services in fear for how far he would go, and not be able to finish the conversation with them, but have to leave the phone, pushed under the bed, so he couldn't tell i had phoned them. He threatened to burn an aersol can, and my duvet. He said he wanted to throw himself out of my bedroom window, on the first floor. Eventually he broke a bone in my hand. And he was arrested for ABH and assault. He was bailed to stay out of the county till the court date, and that was enough time for me, to learn how to stay away from him. Even though he was treating me so badly i still felt that i couldn't leave him. Until he broke a bone. I was also starting to imagine that i would take a bottle to him and stab him with it, I had started to feel fearless, and the anger had built up in my system to want to take him on and hurt him back. He had moved a girl into his flat while he was seeing me, saying they were just friends, but her bag was in his room. and i caught some disease from him around that point. The whole load of his friends were all liars and thieves, and worthless piles of rubbish. I later found that he had been thieving his internet connection out of my account as well. The 15 months with him, has left me stronger, but i know what anger is now, and i am also fearless, i don't trust my judgement. |
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