this is so hard as im tryin so hard to forget yet looking at the other stories mine hardly seems alot compared with what some have been through.

 

i met x partner when i was 19 young stupid and nieve, the bad boy image was very appealing back then he was 3 yrs older, took me out, feel in love with me promised me the world until he started to drink very heavy we'd always enjoyed social drinking what young couple doesnt but he took it to the extreme the the drug cocktails started and well he went out of control little did i know back then he was the areas bad boy had been in prison and had a criminal record for violence as long as his arm.  We moved in together me hoping he would settle down and change but the night we moved into oiur new flat he was arrested and savagly attacked by a police dog for refusing arrest  i spent our first night on my own! things didnt get much better from there on in he lost his job n with a cocktail of prescribed painkillas drink and drugs went loopy, i would have to report to him every hr even when at work if i was a bit longer at shopping he would ball at me so much id sit in tears, i was accused of affairs n in one tempered rage on a sat night when i got home from work he pinned me down and raped me on the kitchen floor, then left the hse without a word. when returning home next morning he acted as if nothing had happened, i had no idea if i dreamed it but the pain told me i hadnt.  for a few weeks it was normal and i thought mayb he had pulled himself together but no it was just boiling up to another epoisode.  after going to the local with some friend he bumped into an old aquintance from prison i got drink spat in my ace and left him and went home when he returned at 2am with friends i was in bed with all the noise they were making i got up and polietly asked if they could keep it down as i had work the next day at 9am and went back to bed 2 min later he came in the bedroom witrh a huge rage he started punching me while i was in bed shoving the pillow over my head telling me this would keep the noise out i heard his friends leave leaving me alone with him. cowards!!!! he went into the sitting room i picked up my mobile phome and called my mom at 2 in the morning asking if i could come home she said yes i threw a few clothes in a bag and started getting dressed he came storming in and grabbed me around the throat pinning me against the wall, it started going black, and sparlkly in my eyes i kept thinkin if he dont let go im gona die my instant reaction was to dig my nails into the arm were the police dog and rip it open in his scar it worked he let go but then came the head spinner one almighty punch to my right cheek bone i heard it crack i dropped to my knees sobbing oh god the pain was immense my head was going to explode he stood above me white as a sheet trembling when i looked up at him he started to cry then dropped to my level trying to hold me telling me he was so sorry he didnt mean it he loved me so much and i made him do it i mad him so mad, i almost believed him but my main priority was hospital i knew he had broke something so i stood up went to the bathroom and washed my face looked in the mirror and nearly pasted out my face was totlally difigured i looked like the elephant woman it was black already the whole right side of my face and bruised instantly and my eye was completly blood shot.  i walked back in picked up my handbag and left then the abuse of me running off to the arms of my apparent other man started i knew he wasnt sorry.  I left him still very much in love with him but i left.

 

stupidly and now i know how stupid 3 yrs later we bumped into eachother and he seemed to have grown up alot he apologised for what he did to me bought me flowers and generally wooed me off my feet, he told me he had never stoped loving me and no woman had ever compared or come close to me, he asked me to try again, i was reluctant but the more time we spent together he had changed but now i know it was an act, after 4 months of being back together i fell pregnant, i dont believe in abortion and neather did he so we moved in together. when i was 14 wks pregnant it all started again, first accusing me the baby wasnt his, then the mental jibs and comments about my weight the way i looked how embarrassed he was of me, after arguements i would end up having to sleep on the arm chair of concrete floor, when he decided we were moving hse again 2 wks before my maternity leave  i was gutted i had some friends were i was were we were moving was the middle of nowhere and i knew no one he was alienating me.  i was pushed down the stairs , pinned to the wall by my throat, slapped, punched, kicked all while i was pregnant, and the reason i stayed was cause i knew my mom would be disappointed as she had just paid over £1000 for a home removal van to ship my furniture ova 300 miles, i was trapped in hell no where to turn no one to talk to no one kneew the hell i was going threw and he made sure of it. i had no friends no family i had to take him to work and pick him up every day from work a 25 mile round trip twicwe a day he would phone evey hr to check up on me i had to keep reciets for everything i bought, i was a prisoner in my own life, when i gave birth to our son i hated him being ther a loathed him touching my perfect baby and feared he would hurt him to he never did tho, i was emotional exhausted physically worn out with looking after a new born souly on my own and driving him to and from and the up keep of the hse , id get wacked if when he came home the hse was dirty but never infrnt of the bab, after a few mths id had enuf i told him if he didnt move us from this hell hole we were living in caus i hated it so much i was leaving him i wanted to move back to my home town instead we moved back to his with his horrid family eveywhere and still i had no one if i popped for a coffee with an old friend he didnt appove of hed lock me and the bab in the hse, on his days off id go looking for suitable nurserys and a job he would take bab out saying he was off to feed ducks or play in park but would end up all day in the pub with my son of only a few mths when i go to get him alll the excuses in the world and when i got home i would sob because my son was starving and his bum, was raw from where he had sat in a soiled nappy for hrs i refused to look for a job and decided to leave him it was just getting the courage and the escape plan together.  but he gave me my way out after inviting his friend s around one night i had gone for a lie down as i was so exhausted i only ment to be an hr but i fell asleep till way after 11 when i awoke i went into the living room to find my poor baby boy fighting sleep him passed out from booze holding on to the bab on his lap, i was furious, i picked up the bab and put him in his cot after changing him then went back into the living room he had gone he was in the bed room going threw my phone again if ought with him th get it back and in my furry i hit him biggest mistake ever i was thrown across the room smashing into furniture i heard my son crying i scrambled to my knees heading for his room scooped him u and grabed a blanket, i had to get out i had to go he was raging like 5 yrs ago and this time he could hurt my son to i put my son on the sitting room floor i gave my mom a quick call im comin home i cant take it as well as grabin my keys what little money i had and some things for him i turned to pick him up a crack i caught one to the side of my head sending my flying ova the glass coffee table with it smashing beneath my weight he stood ova me fist clenched i screamed mom get me outa here as my phone was near he picked it up and hung up, i lay in glass wiv my sons frightned screams ringing in my ears and his shoutin i begged him to stop for the sake of our son he stoppped turned and left the room i picked my self up and grabbed my son leaving everything else it didnt matter ne more clenching the most precious thing to me i ran bare footed out into the street not very fast as i was really hurt blood poored down my back from cuts, i heard him comin i had no where to run i tryed so hard to get away from him so hard but it was a lost cause he had me pinned against the wall of a garden holding me by throat with 1 hand and trying to pull our son from my grasp with the other i started screaming it was all i had left 'help someone pls call the police help' curtains twitched but nothin no one i felt helpless so weak but i couldnt let my son go his grasp tighteniung around my throat, i begged god to help me then out of the blue a kid of no more than 18 came hurdling down the street screaming at him to let me go, he droppped me and let of of our son i ran as fast as i could straight to the main road i was nearly hit by a car but made it to the phone box and called the police my poor baby was shaking with fear and crying so hard i couldnt hear the police woman i sobbed down the phone to the woman pls make him stop pls dont let him hurt me any more  pls come and get me pls pls pls,  my mom had already phoned the police scared he was going to kill me and my son.  The police arrived he was arrested i was took back to collect my things i needed my mom was already on her way with my sister in tow to bring me home, i packed all i could fit into my sisters car mainly things for my son all i left with half a suit case some toiletries the rest was baby clothes toys ect ect. i turned recloues wouldnt spk became extremly depressed just lived day to day for the sake of looking after my son for mths, i still have nightmares, and so does my son who at the time was only 6 mths old to this day he wakes up screaminng as he did that night saying dont hurt my mommy then he wraps his arms so tight around me shaking, it will take time to heal a long time but life goes on and although im in a relationship expecting my second child this one aint to good either but were workin on life is a series of battles but i will win the war!