Hello Kaytee and welcome to POW.
I'm so sorry to know of your losses and can only imagine what feelings these have brought up for you.
After your childhood experiences, it's a very natural reaction for you to have the symptoms PTSD. I'm sure you have done some reading on it and have learnt that your brain will have taken in the experience raw through your primary senses of sight, hearing and touch The symptoms of PTSD are unpleasant but it is your mind now working to try and make sense of it.
This is why the diary board makes a lot of sense (or even keeping private journal) because it helps transfer the story of what happened from pictures to language (language is the tool we use to put structure and sense to our feelings) . In counselling this would be called narrative therapy. In time, with repeated telling, the symptoms will lessen.
Kaytee, you are amongst a group of people here who have unlimited patience in the listening and who will also, if you're *very* *very* good
, even give you a giggle or two or three.