Ok I am under instruction to share my story.  Been told off big time for always telling other to do it and not doing so myself, so here goes�?.

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Well as many of you know, and for those that do not know.  After the birth of my daughter Safia her father kicked me out, he was having an affaire during the time of my pregnancy and he wanted to set up home with this personr and take my child always.  So I suffered sever mental and emotional abuse.  My confidence was shredded, and as we are all women here you are all aware of the hormones after giving birth.

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He told me to get out of his Palacial property on the 17^th December two months after the baby was born.  He was abusive very anyway need not ponder on this point.

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Eventually after negotiation and fights I was able to move into my own place, the day of the move his girlfriend was on the phone through out checking I had left, I arrived at my new home with boxes everywhere, No bed nothing set up could not even walk round.  The removal man was kind and helped after they had done their work; it is amazing how little kindness can give you strength in that time.

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I plundered on, I had hardly any money, and there were other matters that happen as well in between.  He did not even want to attend his daughters first birthday, that was a big fight but never mind it happened in the end.

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Anyway I had given up hope after seven years and discovering that your whole life and relationship was based on a lie one big lie.  I went along decided I could not trust another again, I had even resigned myself to live a life alone forever, there were people I fancied, but would never take it further.

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I thought we all go around wanting to fill the gap; therefore we make the wrong decision.  We want something so much; we want to be loved so much.  We put trust in the wrong person.  I decided I needed to learn to love myself.  So I used the time to learn to appreciate me to discover who I was and learn my likes and dislike.  It was a hard slog; there were things I discovered about myself, I did make these things happen to myself.

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Due to my own insecurities from the past I attracted the type of person that would make me feel shit about myself, also I did not value myself to be loved truly.  So it is a form of self abuse, self destruct that, that we repeat the same circle over and over again.  Then we spend most of our life wondering why me, why me, I asked my self why not me.

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I had to accept that I could be my own worst enemy and I had to change my views of myself and I had to improve myself.  I had to remove the guilt that has been impressed upon me by other.  I was either going to truly survive or I was going to be a victim forever.  A victim I did not want to be anymore.  Although this was very hard and painful! I worked through many of these issues, and I am still working through them.

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I face my inner demons regularly and still cause me pain and I try to test myself still and even try to destruct what is good and pure what is brilliant and joyful.

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I did not trust a soul, not one.  I decided that if the true love or the one the angels wanted me to be with comes he will appear out of no where.  Amazingly enough it did I did not even notice this happening.

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Then I was told by someone I have known all my life that they thought we should be together and date.  That was a shock at first, but for the first time in my life I followed my instinct and heart.  Not my mind or body.

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So here goes to all my friends in POW this is how it happened.  This is how I have achieved the state I am in today and happy I am.

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Love and Light

VENUS