Quite a few of you know that, since November last year, I've been caring for my brother and his wife 24/7, and no respite. Both have been through treatment for cancer. My brother is having to face the fact that he might never get back to work and a strong possibility that the tracheostomy tube will become a permanent fixture. However, his behaviour has gone out of control. He has lost direction and structure.

His temper is going from zero to mach nine in a nanosecond, he is talking suicide every day and is very very close to meltdown. His wife is unable to cope and is firing her anger back at him which just sends the whole lot round in a big circle.

Yours truly, moi, is struggling to hold it all together both in all the practical issues and the emotional stuff. I've made arrangements to get away for 3 days (20-22nd this month) as I know that unless I get respite I'll have reached my own emotional overdraft limit.

Yesterday and today my brother had gone missing but have now got him back home. He was begging me to put him away, to help to stop him commiting suicide. I've rung the doctor and we're now waiting on the psychiatric team but this is not good enough for his wife, who is so angry with him that she has shut herself away in the bedroom and refusing to talk to anybody. I know that she has gone into injured child mode and just wants to hurt him as much as his behaviour (ranting and throwing things) has hurt her.

I so want to just walk out forever and leave them to it but know that's just running away from the problem. God, it's awful being so rational! Why can't I have a hissy fit too?

Anyway, I've told my brother that I still intend taking the 3 days away for myself but that I will do my best to ensure he has some sort of support mechanism in place before then. I feel I'm going to worry like crazy even whilst I take time out so how much of a break is that going to be, I wonder.

Anyway ... Aaaarrrgh ... I've had enough!!!

Ok, I've vented. Thanks.

 <o:p></o:p>