McCanns describe 'purgatory'
30/04/2008 12:01  - (SA)  

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London - Whether travelling Europe to lobby politicians or sifting through hate mail from angry cranks, the parents of missing British girl Madeleine McCann say they're still haunted by their decision to go out for dinner on the night their daughter vanished.

In a documentary timed to the one-year anniversary of Madeleine's disappearance, Gerry McCann said they had to live with the fact that they weren't there when their daughter went missing.

"And if we were - then, you know, possibly, probably, it wouldn't have happened," he said in a documentary due to be screened on Wednesday by Britain's ITV1. "I think the worst thing is we kind of almost thought about not going and ... did."

The documentary - coupled with a host of press and television interviews - is part of a new media offensive being launched to mark the year since Madeleine disappeared from her family's hotel room during a vacation in Portugal's southern Algarve region on May 3 2007. Her parents were eating at a nearby restaurant at the time.

The case drew enormous interest, first in Britain and Portugal, then around the world - a product of the McCanns' dogged determination to keep the case in the public eye, the voraciousness of the British tabloid press, and a shocking twist that saw the parents named as formal suspects in the disappearance.

Madeleine's mother Kate described that day as being "in the middle of a horror movie" but said she felt more strong than scared.

"I felt like I was going to fight the world to be honest," she said.

The documentary, Madeleine, One Year On: Campaign For Change, shows the couple in Brussels, Belgium, where they push for a Europe-wide missing children alert programme similar to the United States' Amber Alert. It also follows them home to Rothley in central England where they sort through some of their mail.

'One day at a time'

Gerry McCann read from a Christmas card which attacks him and his wife.

"Your brat is dead because of your drunken arrogance," the message read. "Shame on you. I curse you and your family to suffer forever."

"That's quite nice. Very charming," he said, dropping the card in a box labelled "Nasty". Other boxes were marked "Well-wishers", "Psychics", "Visions and Dreams" and "Nutty".

In a separate interview with Hello! Magazine, Kate McCann said she tries not to look too far into the future.

"It's best to take one day at a time," she said. "I have my bad days but at the same time I find myself wanting to know what happened. It is the not knowing that is particularly difficult."