Child Loss -- Greiving with the family

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My name is Deborah and I just lost my daughter Jessica on December 9th from a three year battle with cancer. She was 9 years old. Jessica is actually my step-daughter....I think that is an ugly word. Jessica came into my life when she was just 4 months old. Yes her biological mom is still in her life, however, Jessca always said that she had two moms. My husband and I are grieving dearly from ourt loss. I know in my heart she is an angel now. My husband however has completely and totally disowned God. This has been a tremendous stress on our marriage and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Jessica went through so much in her short lifetime. She had chemo, radiation, surgery and a stem cell harvest of her own stem cells. This was alot for her to bare. We have three other kids, Derik (my step son), Mikaila (my daughter) and Megan (mine and my husbands. Each one grieves very differently. My youngest Megan will still play with Jess like she is still here. However crys daily because she knows she is not coming back. Mikaila the oldest, is very quiet and does not want to talk about it. As for Derik, well I am not sure how he is doing? We have not seen him since Jessica passed away. Its a very long story and I don't want to focus on that. My question is this, how do marriages survive such a tragedy. Jessica was just like my child. I potty trained her. I taught her how to spell her name and to write it. My husband has had seizures and continues to battle with the loss. I have had so much focus on him and what is happening with him that I don't feel I have had time to grieve. I would love anyone to send any suggestions no matter what they are. This is the second time I have delt with cancer as I also lost my first husband to cancer.

I appreciate this website and any advise anyone has.

Dear Deborah....I am so sorry for your loss of your precious daughter, Jessica, and for the pain that you and your husband are going through. The loss of a child is indeed the most profound pain that anyone can have, and sometimes they do blame God for that loss. But, God is not to blame.....God did not give her that terrible condition. And, this does destroy some marriages. I hope that is not the case for you. After my son died, it was my faith that got me through it...It sounds like Jessica went through a lot in her struggle for life. She must have been a very courageous little girl.

I wish I had some magic words that I could give you to make it better. All I can give you is an ear to listen, and I can cry with you. Keep coming here and venting if you need to do so.....sharing does sometimes help.

May God hold you tight and grant you peace and gentle healing.

Love and hugs....Rean

I really appreciate your support. Life just throws us some curve balls and we really don't know which way to turn. We are taking life one hour at a time. I and we all feel guilty for having fun or wanting to have a good time. Even though we know that Jessica would want us to move on. Sometimes I feel like I haven't really grieved because I am so busy worrying about everyone else I don't have time to think of myself and besides I feel like I would be being selfish. My marriage is sacred to me and I do not want to lose that with my husband although I don't know how we will make it past this. I pray everyday that God gets us through this. Deb

Important Announcement The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More
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