SS..I know the song very well..in fact I listened to that whole album non-stop for a year..it's a beautiful song indeed. I'm so sorry for your loss..we can none of us understand the depths of darkness a person must be in to take their own life. I have to believe that there is a greater power with them at such a time and certainly now as their souls begin the road home to healing & light.

 

My prayers are with all who love Karena..may you comfort one another..come together in understanding and find peace.

 

God Speed

 

How sad for you S.Shawdows.  You're in my thoughts and prayers. 

luv,

sue

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I still just don't understand, and I feel as though it hasn't hit me yet. I know she is gone but it is still very difficult to believe. There were no warning signs at all, and I think how unhappy she must have been inside all the time. I wish that I had went out with her that night after she left my house, and could of some how done something to stop the suicide. We all wonder that. Or I wish I told her how pretty she looked on Saturday.

 

We are all just shocked and I wonder how long she was planning this. Is that why she was so happy on Saturday, because she had made her mind up to die. I don't know. Only God knows those final thoughts and the reasons for her suicide. I am just numb towards it. The thought will cross my mind and I am like "oh yeah ,my God, Karena killed herself!"  It is just insane. I know she has been doing a lot of cocaine lately, and drinking quite heavily and those are depressant factors, but she was happy. Or so I thought. There is an autopsy being done.

Thank you once again, God bless you all

SS

Hi Shifting shadows.... I am so sorry to hear of your loss....

I lost my son 10th april this yr... he died of a heroin overdose.. i found a suicide letter.. he was... so we all thought happy as he had got himself a flat.. and was looking forward to moving in... he had been doing it up... he was a new user to heroin... but I can totally understand what you are going through at the moment.. the terrible guilt burden that you feel... but I believe that you wouldnt or couldnt have been able to have stop her.. she was in a place where you could probably never understand,... Karena is at peace now... she will never have to suffer any more from any more worries that were burdening her... she is whole and happy now... that is what i believe of my son.... drugs are a very depressing thing.. one minute you are very high.. but with highs as high as that have to come lows... and i believe the lows are so low that you can not begin to believe your life will get better or change... and that was probably why your dear friend took her life... its such a tragic waste i know... she will always be walking beside you.... take things easy... try to get sleep and eat well... and rest as much as you can....its very very tough to understabnd and come to terms with.. its still very early days  yet... but honest hun... things will get better.. it will just take time.. lots of time.. you will one day be able to think of your friend and smile instead of cry  think of all the special times you shared...... my prayers and thoughts are with you and karena's family.... take care... Sharon xxx

Sharon,

What a  brave, strong person you are!  You are going through such a trama yourself and here you are giving comfort to another SS! 

You must truly be a special person.

I just wanted to tell you that.

luv,

sue

 

SS,

When my son committed suicide I always wondered the same thing:  could I have said something, done something, did something.....ANYthing to have prevented this???  I almost drove myself crazy thinking stuff like that.

 

She acted happy, and from all the reading I've done on suicide, you are absolutley right:  somebody who is going to do that sometimes acts real happy right before because they finally came to peace about what they're gonna do, it's like a heavy wieght is lifted off their sholders.

 

There is no way you could've known, SS.  I remember reading the signs of suicide in people.  Some of them were, they will sleep more...........they will sleep less.........they will act more sad.....they will act more happy.........they will begin to eat a lot........they will stop eating.......they get overly energized....they lack energy..........etc. etc.

 

So, you see SS, there is no way you can be sure.  Please dont drive yourself crazy with thoughts about 'what if'. 

 

Your friend is at peace now.  I know thats no comfort to you, who wants your dear friend back HERE, with you!  But beleive it, she IS at peace and you'll see her again one day.

 

luv,

sue

 

 

Thank you all of you for your prayers and posts. It all means so much I have shared some of them with another one of my friends, who is grieving the death of Karena. When I went to her house (Karena's house) she was staying with her mom, the body was still there. We walked in the house and hugged her mom and cried, then she told us Karena's body was still in the barn and they were just about to take it away. So she was saying "don't look, don't look, turn away, turn away" Then she kept asking the people outside on the deck "is she gone, is she gone? have they taken her yet?" it went on for a while because it took forever for the cops to take her body, then when they did we heard theses chains moving, and the stretcher was making noise and all the while our backs were turned to it. We didn't want to see, and her mom kept saying "don't look, don't look, is she gone? is she gone?" Oh my Lord it was so tragic.

*I also wanted to say to Sharon that I am real sorry about your son. You lost him quite recently and I will keep you in my prayers. Sometimes life just makes no sense.  We all need someone to lean on and talk to. I hope you are okay. God bless you.

Thank you all of you for hearing me and praying for this situation. I feel great when I can read your posts and know someone is listening. I am having a hard time kind of dealing with this. I am pretty much in shock I would say. Haven't lost it or anything. Just keeping busy. But the funeral is on Friday, and I know that is going to finalize this for me, my dear old pal Karena. I just love her.

Peace and Love

SS

 

Shifting Shadows.. Yes Friday is going to be hard.... but you will get through it... your dear friend will be there by your side... and she will see how much love she had.. although i am sure she knew that anyway.. please try not to beat your self up too much about why and what ifs... I have done that for the past 11 weeks... but i am getting stronger on that point i think.. but just take care of yourself... your friend wouldnt want you to be feeling sad all the time.. of course you are going to grieve for her.. its natural.. but you have to try to live your life as the best and happy as you can... just take time to grieve.. and try to move on... we are all here for when you need to cry.. shout... swear.. whatever.. take care... god bless you...

 

Suzie ... Thankyou for your very kind message... I dont feel very brave most of the time.. but I just know how important having messages from people are... they saved my life at times.. i swear... and I want to give back to anyone who is going through even half of what i am right now... thank you so much.. you are in my thoughts also.. hugs to all who need them.. Sharon xxxxxxx

Thankyou Claude.. may god bless you too... Sharon xxx

 

Thank you all so much, you are all so strong and brave and kind. Claude, the prayer was wonderful. Exactly what I needed to read when I logged on.

Bless you all

SS

i'm sorry for what you're going through.  Your friends at peace now and she'll now be an angel looking over you. I know that doesn't ease the pain.  i've always looked at life as a stepping stone to going home. I will pray for you and Karenas family and for Karena. Love Loree