This is my lifestory... through the lines you will find much anger, pain, even hate. So, if you feel trigged of feelings like this I will ask you stop reading right now.

 

I was born on the 30 th of March..in Calcutta, India. Totally uknown of that within three months I would have a new family in Norway. I don`t know very much about the beginning... unfortunately..

Anyway, I went to my new family and according to my parents I grew into a nice, happy and active child..

I was never afraid of anything, I remember my mum telling me about all those times I talked to strangers without caring what anyone would think of me.

 

When I was about five years old my brother arrived.. He is adopted, too...  Unfortunately he had big anxiety problems and never wanted mum to walk away from him. He followed her everywhere, and then I mean EVERYWHERE.  When she was on the closet he sat beside her, when she made dinner he stood right next to her, when she went out, he followed her.  My life changed completly from that day he came... From being my mother`s "little girl" who got all her attention I was pushed out in the dark shadows... because of him! I felt like a defected B-ware.. no one really cared about me anymore. There I was, only five years old out in the world on my own. Okay... my father loved me though...he took care of me, in the best way he could.. Without him I don`t know how my life would have been. I really love my dad... He is like everything to me. I don`t care that much about my mother.. I don`t know why... but I guess I feel kind of disappointed..

 

Anyway... I went through kindergarten with one friend who left me for another girl. It was about that time my brother arrived... and my whole world fall apart. The only one who understood me was my wonderful grandmother, who I loved visiting..

 

I started in the 1.th grade.. I really didn`t like it there.. my friend from kindergarten school got a new friend and then I was on my own AGAIN. I got new friends, but I remember I really hated the people around me. Everyone left..

Why did they come to me, then walk away? I never understood what was wrong.. Was it me? Was it them?

 

I suppose my life was OK till the 7th grade.  I was hanging around with the popular girls, I was one of the "babes" and all of a sudden I wanted to leave their gang. They really got angry at me. How the hell could I leave them????? What the hell was I thinking of??? Did I not know they were the popular girls???? That I was lucky that I had came into their so-called gang (where everyone backstabbed each other) in the first place??? Anyway, I really didn`t care. I was so damn sick and tired of all the drama.... so I got new friends. For the first time in my life I made something on my own- with success. I got lots of new friends who loved me for the person I was..

I was in heaven... but of course it didn`t last that long... My ex-gang couldn`t accept anyone leaving with success... so they started calling me names. In the beginning it wasn`t that serious, but believe me.. it really turned into a hell.

I had told one of the girls about my bad selfimage, that I felt fat and damn ugly & that was what they used against me...

 

In the start I didn`t care much.. but when many other girls joined them and asked questions like "How much food have you eaten this week, bitch?" it really got bad.  When I look back I realise I wasn`t fat at all.. but those HORRIBLE bitches destroyed my whole life. I hate them for doing that.

 

It kept on the same way when I started at junior college..  My parents and my teachers really did a great job... but nothing worked out. I became their hate doll from day one till the end. I cannot count all the times I cried and hated my life.. I really didn`t want to be there anymore.. No one ever would care about me, because I was just a fake cow..

 

Now I am in high school.. and finally accepted. But I mention that some people are kinda scared of me because of my mental problems... I am damn afraid of getting hurt again... How can I know that they won`t hate me too?

 

There is some experiences I haven`t written down.. but I got raped once but this is a so terrible story that I don`t dare to write it down...

 

Anyway.. now you guys know a little about me.

 

-kat