a little about me:

i go by the name zane most of the time, i will be 24 in a few weeks and live in Maryland. i live with my mother, dad, and my friend(also my brothers girl friend) and her kid who is 4. my (little)brother lives in NC he visits when he can(he is a Marine).i work in a garden center, so i work from April til December, and then i am let go of (lay offs)(this is as if i keep my job for that long). this is the first year that i am doing somewhat well.

to start at the beginning. i dont remember anything from before i was 10(anything that i can at least make since of)and from the time i was 11 til about 13 is still fuzzy(some sexual abuse occurred and did not stop til i was 17) once i was 14 i found drugs... pot at first but it did not take me long to find heron by my senior year(17) i was a junkie. i did however gradate to many peoples surprise. i was not a dumb kid, i did enough to get by without too many people bothering me or getting caught. after highs school i worked in a deli and tried college(i have some learning disabilities) so needless to say i had a hard time. then all at once i dropped out at the age of 20 with only 5 credits. my life then revolved around working and getting my next fix. at this time i also got pregnant things did not go well(i have 0 kids now). i then broke down, and tried to kill myself. i some how i lived. and this was the start of me being diagnosed. i was labled bipolar. i was released from the hospital and taken home to my parents who did not know what to do, i became very depressed, at this time i did nothing(sat at home all day, not going out at all) this did not last long and i started using again. a few more hospital visits, a few times getting arrester, running away, and another failed pregnancy(which helped me get back home)and once home again i got clean. at this point i was 23(10 months ago)

so now clean, working at a garden center, and living at home thats where is am now. i now have the labels of PTSD, bipolar, DID, and ex junkie. and i am trying to deal with my past, without bothering the people i live with. i know they care, but in many ways i have already been a burden to them, more than they should have to deal with .when i am at home i take care of things cooking and cleaning, etc. my father works and my mom is sick. so i am paying my dues. it works for now. i was on meds but i had a problem with a relationship with my doctor, so... sometime in the new year i hope to get back on meds(by then i should really be losing my mind)

i have a bf in VT who i will not see again til January(lucky him he does not have to deal with me). we have known each other since we were 4. and we both have had rough times in life, so maybe we can help each other, and being apart gives me a pre-set place to runaway to when i go crazy.

thank you in advance accepting me into the community