I promised months ago that I would post my story on here and I never got around to it.  I've been busy I guess.  Anyway begin at the beginning as they say.

I was diagnosed BP when I was 16 after a classic manic epsode I took approximatly $2400 out of a savings account and blew every penny on just stuff.  Drugs, meals, and one $200 shopping trip to Walmart in which we bought only underwear.  Prior to that I had been to various therapists most of my life beginning as early as five.  My parents say they always knew there was "something wrong with me."

Initially after my diagnosis I took meds sparatically and even sold them for a while.  I dove deeper into the drug culture in my home town.  To the point that I was staying away from home for days at a time partying at 17.  My parents had finally reached their limit and they bought me a car and told me to move out.  I then bounced from house to house sleeping with various friends and friends of friends for a roof for the night until I inevitably moved into that same car.  By the time my folks kicked me out I was into meth pretty heavily and was unemployed shortly there after.  It was in that same car that I realized I was probably pregnant and then something snapped.  What happened in the weeks to come was nothing short of miracles.

I cleaned up.  From that moment I quit doing drugs.  I knew I needed to leave my hometown because all I had were my drug friends and I couldn't have a baby that way.  I went to visit the janitor at my church who was the only reason I went to church.  He gave me $20 and a map to get to Aberdeen, SD because I had one friend who lived there.  with that and the half a tank of gas that I had and my trunk full of every worldly possession at the time I left my hometown for the first time by myself. 

The first night I was in Aberdeen I managed to find this friend but still ended up staying in my car.  I parked under a tree at a 24 hour grocery store so I could go to the bathroom if I needed.  The next day I walked first to the gas station so I could take a sink shower in the single bathroom and then a mile or so to a hotel to apply for a housekeeping job whick I got.  Then back that same mile and then another half to a buffet style restaraunt for another job as a dishwasher.  From there I went 40 some blocks, in mid July (it was 90 some degrees that day) to the short term labor place and was given a job painting this lady's basement.  Keep in mind I have eaten a cheeseburger from Mc Doanld's only in the last 48 hrs and I am pregnant.  Halfway into this painting project it became clear I was going to be quite sick.  So when she wanted to know why I couldn't do the work I spilled my story.  This woman then let me stay with her that night and gave me $20 in the morning and took me back to my car.  That day was a Wednesday so I went to church and they just happened to be serving dinner, so I got to eat again and this older man was conversing with me and I told him I lived "here and there" he told me I could stay with hima while.   I did but he was creepy so I didn't go home much I stayed out as much as possible.  When I started working at the hotel I was trained by a man named Mohan.  He had just left his wife and was living at the hotel through the course of the day we exchanged stories and he invited me to stay with him, being that he was much more good looking and considerably less creepy than the older man I agreed. (The older man I found out years later was a convicted sex offender- funny how insincts work) Mohan and I have been together ever since.  By January I was back on meds and seeing my current Dr.  I had my first daughter Grace in April of 2005 the same baby I was pregnant with all along.  My second daughter Eden, Mohan's daughter, was born in July of 2007 just a few short weeks ago.  In that time I've discovered the tourtures of panic attacks and tremendous weight of postparttum depression.  I have however been completely cold turkey clean of drugs since July of 2004 when I left my hometown.  At this moment in time I would say 'm doing fine there are good days and bad days but I find that when dealing with this as well as any illness I can choose to consider myself a victim or I can take charge of things and fix it.  I don't take well to being a victim.