JANICE'S BI-POLAR SUPPORT SITE

I guess that I have been looking around this board long enough that everyone deserves to hear some of my story. I am 35 years old and have been dx as Bp since I was roughly 20. I was also dx with DID also known as MPD about 5 years ago. I guess saying someone is a mulitple can be offensive and so goes life. I have been "in the hospital'" more than I'd like, for a number of different reasons. I am a mother, sister, daughter, partner, addict, a victim and a survivor. Sounds like alot of you, uh? And some how we spend alot of our time feeling alone. I have traveled from Savannah Ga to Houston Tx to New Albany Mi and many places inbetween. Now I live in Toledo Oh with my savior. I have a good job with FedEx and my life parnter is a RN. We have a beautiful daughter and hopefully one day she can understand all of this. Still I fight everyday wishing that the battle would some day be over....but that's not the hand we were dealt. I know that I will not hold your attention for long and that's ok. Don't feel you have to read this...my feelings will not be hurt. Sometimes just putting it out there, outside of my head, helps. I have promblems dealing with anger. It comes more often than the saddness, though I don't know which one is worse. I enjoy to draw in pen and ink. Usually just when I'm up and come to think of it, there hasn't been much of that lately. I also write poerty when I'm down. I'm sure that you all will get to read over some of it. Maybe it will help someone. I never mean to hurt anyone, but do we ever really mean to? I get lost in myself and the clouds. The snow puts me into a state of wonder...snow flakes all so different, melt into rain drops that are all the same. I guess in the end we all end up the same way. I take my meds though sometimes I wonder if they really help....then I remember the police, the hospitals, the pain and the lost time. Yeah I'll take my meds and enjoy the bitter taste of them. I remember that I would not have a family without them. I would not have life. I remember when I moved here without a doc and how I slipped so far down. Things have never been so black. Do you know that blackness...that silence. Some how I know that you do? I see that there is not alot of cummunicating through the board but I have to take what I can get. I see the times when you all have chats and thats past my bed time. Work comes at 3 am unless of course I can't sleep and I know none of us have that problem.... I hope that all is well and remember we don't walk a straight line but that doesn't mean to stop walking.

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JANICE'S BI-POLAR SUPPORT SITE	[email protected]