JANICE'S BI-POLAR SUPPORT SITE

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Instead of thinking of how to write this I think I will goon auto pilot and see where it takes me. For as long as I can remember, something was wrong. Could it have been the physical abuse or was it the sexual abuse? Could've been both, but there was always somethign else there. I was sexually abused by my dad from 3-15. I was also sexually abused from 10-15 by my oldest brother with whom I have a 14 1/2 year old son with. He (thnk god) is a very healthy happy teenager. I was always the outsider. To this day my mom nd I do not talk.....she is just like me, but will not seek help. I was diagnosed at about 5 as being hyperactive and was put on Ritalin. Did that work??? No, but neither my parents wanted or cared enough to get me the proper help. I have tried numerous times to commit suicide to no avail. I have always wondered why I wake up n the morning. At 13 I had my dad charged with child abuse, he did 3 years probation and went to counseling. He says that he told them what he did to me and the theropist told him I would be fine and out grow this. At this time my own mother tried to take my life o an extent....but she would always know when to stop strangeling me.

I did not start seeing anyone about any of this until my youngest son was about 2 months old. I went in thinking it was just a bad case of the baby blues.After three years with this person and many hypnosis sessions, I have only regained about 1/8 of my child hood memories

I guess the real blow was when I lost my twins in 1998. I tok a bottle of sleeping pills and a 6 pack but still woke up. I still wonder why. That's when I had been diagnosed with bp, ptsd, major depression and borderline personality disorder. I have lost both of my children either to dad or foster care due to the abuse I enflicted on them. I have since chosen to allow my 7 year old to be adopted. He needs a good home and a stable enviroment. Something I can't do for him. I believe that my mother is manic as well and I do not want my kids growing up the way I did. They do not deserve the rath of Angie.

Anyway, that is all I am willing to share at this point. Thanks for listening,

I, too, was sexually abused by the person that is my biological father.

I call him by his first name. To me, a "father" could not do this to his own children.

You had the courage to let your children live in a better environment.

I do not have that kind of courage.

With all you have been thru, you are a very strong person.

My thoughts will always be with you.

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