{{{{{{{{{{{{Fiveboots}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I cycle almost everday. My heart goes out to you. My pdoc said he knows I still cycle with meds; but the only way to stop the  cycling would be to put me in a zombie like state. We agreed not to do that ; though at times I have asked him to. I have come to not trust happiness because I know at any minute - crash! I am really afraid of happiness. I cycle up and down so much each day that I or no one else ever knows what to expect? When I was still working; my co-workers were afraid to approach me. I'm sick of meds. We have to take so many I guess 'cause we have two illnesses. These for depression. These for mania. When I was about to tell my sister that I was BP; I asked her if she knew anyting about it. She said:"I know they are always changing their medicine." I really hate that. Prozac changed my life dramatically for a few years. Me and my family were filled with joy. Ha! Now It's like taking an M & M! In the 13 yrs. I have been dx'd I have never known any two people on the same meds! That drives me crazy! What is up with this? Well, I've ranted and raved too; but I love and care for you and hope you get off your roller coaster soon. Love and Hugs, Rain